I am either all in or all out.
I either workout hardcore or I do nothing. I either eat 100% healthy or I eat my son's Halloween candy for every meal. (True story) I either look like I just rolled out of bed (because I did) or I look like I am going out on a hot date in the middle of the day.
My house is either this:
Or this: (well rarely since I have had kids)
I want it to be more like this.
When I was a kid- I remember erasing holes through my paper because I couldn't get the letter just right.
What's wrong with me....IT'S A LETTER.
Why? Why can I not seem to have a middle ground where I feel satisfied? Why can't my home feel clean but not perfect for me to be happy in it.
Do you ever read other people's blogs and begin to feel bad about yourself...like they have such a charming house, their kids are so cutely dressed, their wardrobe looks effortlessly cool...blah blah blah. Is this virtual world we envy even real? I often wonder- do we set unreal expectations on ourselves?
I look at this photo of me and think- that's me on a regular no makeup and pulled back hair up day. I'm not sloppy but not over the top in a cutsie outfit. It's just in the middle.
I need more of that in all areas of my life.
I want this blog to be about life changes. Progression. It is about changing small percentages about yourself- not transforming yourself over night. This is my next challenge for myself. I think if I stop putting so much pressure to excel- then I may actually feel like I have been accomplishing my goals.
In fact, it takes a lot of effort to just be in the middle. Ironically, this post is not what I was hoping for and I am fighting every urge to delete it. I am not sure I like the photo and not sure if I make any sense....not sure it is what I had in mind when I sat down to write. But I am determined to continue to just get some thoughts out there- no matter if it is perfectly said. So- I am leaving it. There.
Take that recovering perfectionist!
But we will see... I have discovered that I really do need to find more middle in my life.
This all or nothing thing is so tiring and paralyzing really. I have dreams and aspirations of what I want this blog to be...but I get stuck. I get stuck in what I would want it to be- and then I make excuses like I just don't have the time. But I could make the time... it just may not be perfect.
My thoughts today. Let the challenge begin!
Guess what... I am not even going to proof read this.... See-I am starting already!