Just in time to say goodbye.

I am sorry I have gone missing... time seems to have stood still the past 2 weeks.

Every time I think I am getting into a consistent blogging groove... something occurs to mess it up. 

13 days ago I got a text from my dad saying that my grandma was not doing well. My mind told me that she would be fine and not to panic. My heart told me otherwise. I scrambled through the house literally grabbing a plastic bag and throwing a few essentials items in it and raced to Salt Lake with my kiddos in the backseat. 

I arrived just in time...

To hold her hand and look into her eyes and say good bye.

Bare with me while I take a moment...I have some good stuff coming.

besitos, xo

My little knight in shining armor.

My little knight and shining armor,

I just wish sometimes I could freeze time. 

I love this age. 

I love that you still like to hold my hand. I love that you still want to snuggle in the mornings. I love that  I am your best friend. I love watching you learn and discover new things. I love that you make me laugh every day. I just love the little man you are becoming. 

But...don't grow up too fast okay.

I often wonder what the world will be like 12 years from now when you will be a young adult. You face such a different world then when I was your age. I hope and pray that I can prepare you to keep on your armor and be ready to fight any fiery dragons that come your way. 

I love you no matter what. I am grateful for the privilege to be your mommy.

Just some  thoughts this morning.

Besitos,

Your mommy

One day...

Since Flash Back Friday was interrupted due to my excitement for Mister being on Shark Tank…(which was awesome by the way...I'm so proud of him- go here to watch if you missed it- they are the last to pitch) I thought I would share some photos I came across from my birthday celebration in New York last summer- they made me smile. Mostly, because of the memory of this day- it was a perfect day that I have yet to write about but will soon... photos are not super great but snapping and riding was tricky- especially as we passed the camera around... but I treasure the memory.

 I love my sisters. 

Through my parents divorced- we clung together for support. They were all I had of the family I once knew. It was so nice to have someone that understood what it was like... someone to cry with... someone to hash out all the disappointments and frustrations with over and over and over again. We had no choice but to rewrite the story of our family and recreate a new family unit of our own. 

I have had these two girls on my mind the past few days. This last week Bee and my brother-in- law Joe came out to visit for Little Man's birthday party. The love these two have for my little one is like nothing else. They honestly love him like he is theirs and I love that. Little man loves that. I mean they traveled across the country to celebrate with him, they regularly skype call us, and even send video messages to him... they are amazing. 

Sadly, their trip out here is over... and they are back in the City...sob sob... I have to admit that there is such an emptiness in my heart and in my home when they leave. Is this normal?

 I hate it.

I am not sure if it is pregnancy hormones or what but I cried the entire way home from the airport and pretty much on and off for the entire day. When I was hugging her at the airport I just never wanted to let go...I just hate that we live across the country from one another. Why does all my immediate family have to live so far away?

{Mandy...I mean Sister Van Leeuwen- currently serving a mission in Puerto Rico}

{Bianca or Bee as we like to call her}

Dear Bee-

What would I do without you in my life?  Who would I call when I had an idea or needed some clarity in my life. You always listen and have great insight...such a wise soul you always have been. It's no wonder everyone always mistook you for the oldest... you were/are so much wiser than me! ;) 

I just loved having you out here this past week and cherish each moment we had... why did it go by so fast?? I hate when it’s time to say goodbye…especially when we aren't sure when the next trip to see one another is going to be.

Oh how I long for a day (even if in my dreams) that we lived in the same town... maybe on the same street. We could plan trips to the art museum, zoo, and the park with our little ones while we talked about life long goals and dreams. We could open up our Music and Art center for kids... We could have sleepovers and watch chick flicks while our husbands were out of town and our kids were fast asleep.

 We could go camping and hiking on the weekends or spend our lazy summers outside with our families. 

Our kids would be best friends... make lemonade stands together and have secret club hideouts. 

We could raise money together and travel to third world countries and get involved in service projects...okay that one we could do even if you lived somewhere else...but still.

Can we live in the same town one day??

You are always so inspiring to me

and 

I love you.

xo

besitos

P.S. Write me back okay.

We are on Shark Tank this Friday!!

Okay confession- I am not actually on Shark Tank but my husband's company Proof is. (If you don't know what that is- it's the hit ABC reality show where you can pitch your idea and investors choose to invest or not in your company-it's awesome- totally recommend you check it out!)

The Mister and his brothers are going to be on Shark Tank this Friday (TOMORROW!) Feb. 22nd on ABC!! Go here for a  teaser but be sure to tune in tomorrow!!

Another confession- this monthly challenge has not been easy and we are not doing so awesome with family in town and Shark Tank airing this Friday. I knew this may take a few months to figure out- so we will see what this next few weeks are like after the Shark Tank!

I don't have a lot of time this morning to write- but I have been meaning to brag for a moment about my Mister you for months now of how proud I am of him. I am one lucky gal. Don't be jealous- but he's a big deal... Okay,  a big deal to me anyway. ;) I just want him to know I am proud of him and love him and can't wait to see his face on national television tomorrow night!

That's all.

Besitos, xo

Flashback Friday..."I Once Thought"

I am one of those people who always has/had multiple passions. I blame it on being a Gemini! Therefore, I have started several blogs in my lifetime with different topics. As any smart person would know- having more than one blog makes it difficult to keep them all up on a regular basis... HOWEVER, I can't seem to push the delete button or let them go! I started in 2005 people... there are memories there!

So my dilemma is: do I keep them or let them go? 

What name do I keep?

(Weeds to Wishes or The Diary of a Dame...?? )

I am trusting that whatever needs to happen will...and for now my focus is here.

With that, I am introducing

 "Flash-back Fridays" 

where I will look back on some of my fondest memories from the past.

Here is one of my favorite entries I wrote on May 19th, 2010 here on what I had learned about being a mother in just 3 months.

Dear Diary,

Little Man is fast asleep and I can’t take my eyes off of him. I listen to the rain and thunder crashing down around us... something about that sound makes me slow down and contemplate life. (after thinking of The Sound of Music song of course) Hmmmm… I wonder… as I stare down at my little babe… how can life look so different today than it once did?

I once thought

I once thought I was fearful… now I am fearless.  

I once thought I had respect for my parents… now I know what it means to honor them.                                    

I once knew I was strong… but now I have discovered an inner strength I never knew I had.

I once thought passing gas was disgusting… now it’s so cute.

I once needed an alarm clock...now my baby sets my schedule.

I once would wonder why parents of a screaming child couldn’t get control of their child… now I empathize with them.

I once thought of showers and makeup as a daily routine…now they are luxuries.

I once thought there was no such thing as love at first sight… now I realized  I can love a complete stranger. 

Those are my thoughts as I lay down to sleep tonight. Good Night.                                                 

                                                                                         

 Love, 

    Cristi Dame

Besitos, 

xo

missing you.

I just got back from a fun weekend of visiting family... and I have so many posts I want to share with you... 

but today I feel a little blue... 

my heart feels a little empty without these two... 

I miss my sisters. 

I miss my mom.

Why do we have to live so far apart?

besitos, 

xo

Less load yet less time. {Letter #5 to myself}

Dear 30 year old crazy woman-

Why does it seem like the more you take OFF your plate to so called "simply" your life- the more you put on it? I appreciate the fact you acknowledge you have a problem with taking on too much... You are the first to admit it... BUT WHY IN THE WORLD DON'T YOU CHANGE? 

 What happened to June being your birthday month of play and rest? Well my friend, June came and went... and instead of it being relaxing and peaceful...it ended up being the busiest month you had this year! That is until July came around... so- SLOW DOWN!

I appreciate your efforts in taking a proactive approach by closing your private practice, turning down potential photography clients, taking the summer off from work,  and even delegating some time consuming tasks to others willing to take them on. Thumbs up. But don't you know that being proactive in reducing your load also means saying "NO" to opportunities that come your way? Practice with me saying, "I am sorry, I can't seem to fit that in my schedule." Not so bad right? I know I know- you love what you do and want to do those things...

but if your summer goals were to practice being more "domestic" and engage in things such as baking fresh bread, planting that butterfly garden, or learning how to sew pillows for your couch... then...where is the bread?

Don't even let me get started on your email accounts. How does a person have accrue 11,662 no wait- notification on my phone went off- make that 11,663-  unread emails across four different emails? And how does a person have twice that many photos to edit or be categorized just sitting in your computer? You got me.

Will the day come when you are caught up and can just sit and enjoy the now? 

Is it possible to ever get caught up?

This is your year.
It's time

You can do it.

xo, 

Letter to my dad.

Dear dad,

Thanks for always believing that I could do anything I set my mind to...because I truly believe in that now.

Thanks for taking me around different parts of the world and giving us what you liked to call "A reality check" on how good we have it. I see the world differently because of that.

Thanks for encouraging us to keep in touch with our El Salvadorian heritage- you always were up for latin dancing and papusas.

Thanks for taking us to Annie during the Christmas holiday.

Thanks for teaching us how to serve and how to love the people of Latin America.

Thanks for staying up late with me and helping me decorate the coolest Valentine's box in the entire fourth grade class.

Thanks for helping me with my math homework.

Thanks for taking early morning jogs or going to Bikram yoga with me.

Thanks for encouraging us to learn spanish.

Thanks for teaching me how to ride a bike....even though you let go and I had to get stitches. I forgive you.

Thanks for teaching me how to ski...or at least attempting and then buying me snowboarding lessons.

Thanks for taking me to my first concert in 7th grade (Alanis Morrissette)  and sitting far enough away so you wouldn't embarrass me in front of my friends. 

Thanks for taking us hiking and backpacking despite getting lost for hours at times.

Thanks for taking work off early to see me run in track or cross-country and occasionally even running by my side during the long runs. 

Thanks for teaching us how to hook worms and gut fish. 

Thanks for giving me your camera and teaching me some pointers in photography that have stayed with me forever.

Thanks for driving down to Mexico when our VW van broke down and then riding a hot and long car ride home. 

Thanks for helping us move in 113 degree weather and then driving across country. 

Thanks for always picking up your phone when I call or answering my text- even if it is past your bed time.

Thanks for the Newsies Broadway tickets for my 30th birthday... it was amazing.

Thanks for being my dad.

Love you.

xo Besitos,

Wherever they are is home. (letter #4)

Dear 30 year old self- (letter #4)

I have been away for a few days from these two. Despite how much FUN I had with my sister's and my mom- I couldn't wait to get home. It seemed like such a long flight back home as I longed to be in Mister's arms again and kiss those soft cheeks of my Little Man. 

They are my home. 

Nothing is better than being right there nestled up to them both. 

Last night I couldn't resist...I let Little Man sleep in our bed. I slept right in the middle... well knowing that I was going to have the most terrible night of sleep (which I did) with Little Man tossing and turning- I didn't care. 

I stayed awake and took in the moment giving thanks for having them in my life. 

The morning came too quickly. It was time to get out of bed and part ways once again.

One thing I have learned is that it doesn't matter where I am... my home is wherever these two guys are.

I love my boys.


Sincerely, One lucky (30 year-old) gal.

besitos, xo

My birthday gift of TIME. (letter #3)

 What every girl wants for her birthday... TIME.

This glass vase reminds me of what's really important.

This letter comes again from another inspiration I had at Women's Conference a month ago. I was reminded of the rock, pebble, and sand metaphor in managing time.

The first priorities were placed in the jar first- they were the big rocks or my ESSENTIALS. What were the things in my life that were absolutely non-negotiable and essential?

-Making memories with my family 

-Teaching and playing with my children

-Enriching my marriage

-Keeping connections with friends and family

-Praying, reading scriptures, temple, and pondering spiritual matters

-Serving those who are in need

The pebbles are second- they are my "Want-tos." I want to counsel. I want to take photographs. I want to blog. I want to workout. I want to be a great cook. You get the idea.

And lastly, there is the sand that fills in the cracks of the jar- those I like to call my "Be nice-tos"

such as it would be nice to get a massage, it would be nice to eat lunch with a girlfriend, it would be nice to take a bubble bath without interruptions- you catch my drift. The things are still really important and good things but ranked third on the daily priority list.

Dear 30 year old self-

It's official. Today, I am 30.

I can't believe it.

At times I still feel like I am still 18- with the same energy and vibrancy for life but looking through the eyes of 30 year old.  

20's were good to me. Marriage, buying our first home, Graduate School, new job, and the life changing event of becoming a mother.

 With motherhood, I feel like my priorities in life have changed. All of a sudden those once important things that were so important in my early twenties don't matter as much anymore. I now have a little soul I am in charge of (and absolutely in love with) and want to provide the best life that I can possible.

Watching him grow so quickly is a reminder that time does not in fact stand still. He is growing older. 

And so am I.

I want to cherish every moment I have with my friends and family.

So, my gift to myself is this vase that represents my TIME and is filled with with rocks (essentials), pebbles (want-tos), dirt (nice-tos), and a succulent plant (joy). It is my reminder of the gift I am giving myself this year... and forever.  

The gift of time. 

I want to start each day with my ESSENTIAL ROCKS even if that means waking up earlier to accomplish them. Maybe I can learn to be a morning person this decade- hasn't happened yet in the last three.

I am hoping to spend my thirties with balance, peace and happiness- enjoying every moment that I am granted.

And now, I must go- pay attention to those essentials.

Much love, 

The birthday girl

besitos, xo

#1 chocolate chip cookie recipe. (letter #2)

Dear 30 year old self- (letter #4)

I know I just blogged a few days ago about how food is "just food"-  but I have to admit- that applies to every other food BUT cookies. 

I adore cookies... eating them, baking them, dipping them in milk- they are just delightful! 

I was once given the nick name "cookie monster" for loving cookies so much. I've been known to finish an entire batch all by myself- (that was back when my metabolism was amazing) but now a days, I like to allow myself one day of guilt free baking. Those days are usually Sundays...and I like to call them my "Sweet Sundays." Something about mixing the ingredients with a wooden spoon,  inhaling all the ingredients as they mix together is heaven on earth. Not to mention getting to lick the spoon afterwards. MMMM...I am making myself hungry. Anyhow I hope to continue to bake more cookies for years to come. 

Sinserly, Cookie Monster

I have found the most delightfully chewy chocolate chip recipe ever!! I found it here on pinterest and have been making these lovlies ever since. They are divine! 

Ingredients: 

3/4 c. unsalted butter, softened 

3/4 c. brown sugar 

1/4 c. granulated sugar 

1 egg 

2 tsp. vanilla extract 

2 c. all purpose flour 

2 tsp. cornstarch 

1 tsp. baking soda 

1/2 tsp. salt 

1 c. bittersweet chocolate chips

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2.  In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream together butter and sugars until fluffy and light in color. Add egg and vanilla and blend in.

3.  Mix in flour, cornstarch, baking soda and salt. Stir in chocolate chunks.

4.  Using a standard-sized cookie scoop or tablespoon, drop dough onto a prepared baking sheet.  Bake for 8-10 minutes, until barely golden brown around the edges.  (The tops will not brown, but do NOT cook longer than ten minutes.)

5.  Let cool, on the sheet, on a wire rack for five minutes.  Remove from baking sheet and let cool completely.  Makes approximately 3 dozen.  Try not to eat them all.

besitos, xo

Homemaking is not my strength: Letter #1

Letter #1 Homemaking is not my strength.

Dear 30 year old self-

I have a confession... homemaking is not my strength.  The dishes pile up in my sink, I forget to make my bed, and I absolutely HATE putting away laundry.  In fact, it takes every ounce of energy to remember to do these things. I would much rather play with Little man. read something interesting, get messy in my art journal, blog, be outside, create something, paint, and pretty much anything else there is to do besides spend the afternoon cleaning floors and folding laundry.

I didn't grow up in what some may think of as a "typical Mormon" home where the house was spotless and there was a plate of cookies and fresh baked bread waiting right as you walked through the door from school. (exaggerated I know- but that is how I envisioned other families to be like)

My mom grew up in a culture where there was hired help to cook, clean, drive, run errands, and garden. I often fantasize what that may be like... but at 30 years old- snap out of it...my entourage of hired help are not knocking at my door anytime soon.

It's time to find the JOY IN HOMEMAKING. 

So to be totally serious about this qwest... I am taking the summer off from work and am on a mission to see if there is really indeed joy in homemaking and hopefully find that balance in my life I have been looking for! 

Wish me luck!

Sincerly, 

The deprived homemaker in you

Side note: 

This letter comes from an "ah ha" moment I recently had when I attended Womens' Conference at BYU a few months ago. It is a conference for women with several different topics. I had only signed up for one day due to a conflict of wanting to attend a play therapy conference instead. 

However, the Lord had other plans for me.  

 It was the final speaker of the day and I had this impression that I should get up and buy my ticket for the next day. "But why?" I thought- I am not planning on attending. And then the same thought came to me again...so, I immediately got up crawling over people and chairs to make my way to the exit.  Needless to say, I bought my ticket for the next day. Then, I told God- "Okay if there is something I need to hear please help me choose and find my way to those classes." 

 Let me just say- I needed to be there. 

It was then that I made the decision to take another thing off my plate and take care of my home.

Besitos, xo

The lessons I learned from mi Mami.

Side Note: This post was supposed to be up on Mother's Day (yesterday) as a gift to my mom...but seeing as my husband was out of town and I spent the day making my own breakfast, dinner, preparing a lesson, baking cookies, and chasing after a two year old who decided to nap at church and not at home- It didn't happen. I must admit that I was somewhat envious of the mother's who reported on their breakfast in beds, flowers, and bubble baths. But the trail of a two-year-old (literally chocolate finger prints everywhere) was a reminder that I am very much a mother of a young child and to me that is the greatest gift I could ask for. 

So on with this post...

I was going through some photos and came across this family photo. I noticed my little hand grasping onto my mom's finger. This is all too familiar. How I love to have Little Man's hands in mine. Being a mother myself I realize the love and connection that my mom and I must have and still have. Every stage that Little man is going through (good moments and tough moments) my mom has been through. She is an exceptional woman who taught me so many things. 

I just had to ask her a few questions:

ME: What advice to you give mothers of this generation?

MOM: The advice I can give mothers of this generation is the same advice I was given by a middle aged woman at the time when I had a five and two year old: "Enjoy each precious moment with your girls because they do grow up way too fast." I now understand exactly what she meant.

ME: How do you put service in your daily life?

MOM: Service needs to come from the heart, it can't be forced. Be an example by serving others and most likely your children will do the same.

ME: What is your favorite thing about being a mother?

MOM: My greatest satisfaction as a mom is to watch my children do things better than me and to know that despite of their mother, they turned out great!

   

ME: Any other thoughts?

MOM: I am grateful for the opportunity I had to be a mom. What a great honor it is. I am also mindful of women who never had this blessing  and for them, Mother's day must be hard. I can only hope that they may find ways to help other children in need of love and attention and that eventually they can also be called "mom". The sweetest words a woman could ever hear.

 

What have I personally learned from my mom? 

1. Education is important. 

She was doing homework along side of us and graduated from BYU last year!

2. Stand up for what you believe in.

 My mom has been an advocate for women, children , and the latino population. She has volunteered countless hours as the Honorary Consulate of El Salvador, teaching parenting as a parent advocate,  and serving the people El Salvador. She is so not afraid to get on the microphone and tell others what she believes. 

3. Serve others- even while you are on vacation. 
My mom always had her hand in service everywhere she went. As a family we always packed a suitcase for ourselves and one for someone in need when we traveled. 

4. Love your children and their spouses.

My mom is each of our number one fans. I can always count on her to be one of those who actually reads my blog or shares everything we do on facebook. And she adores her son-in-laws as well and is constantly telling all of us and (other people) how proud she is of us. I love that. 

Happy Mother's Day Mamita. 
Te amo mamá. 
Besitos, xo

How to take care of your man- in the words of Mami Gloria

As a child, I spent many of summers in El Salvador living in my Mami Gloria's home. Every afternoon everyone would come home for "siesta" and sit down to warm lunch for a chance to put their feet up until it was time to go back to work. Although my grandma was a very busy business owner, she not only always was fashionably dressed but she always was home when my grandpa- (Papi Meme) came home.  

Together they would eat lunch and she would spend the afternoon by his side nurturing him with masajitos (massages) or mini facials. As old-fashioned as that sounds- she genuinly loved doing it. And old-fashioned she is anything but. In fact, to this day you can find her wearing denim jeans and sylish shades while sporting a flaming red hairdo. Although, her role as a wife seems very 1950's housewife...one thing is for sure- she adored my grandpa. I would often find these two holding hands in the car or arm in arm while they relaxed at the beach house.  Taking care of him was not considered a task but in her eyes the least she could do to show her love. 
 I think there is something to be learned here.

I thought there was no better person to ask relationship advice than Mami Gloria. So I asked her  to give us "mujeres modernas" (modern women) some advice on how to keep our man happy and therefore have a happy relationship.

Her response:

1. "El hombre es como un nino grande. Hay que alimentarle tanto su estomago como su ego. Hay que hacerlo sentir bien"

(The man is like a big kid. It is necessary to feed his stomach like his ego. You must make him feel good.)

2. "Cuando el hombre esta enojado, salirse del ring. No seguir discutiendo, eso envena la relacion. Despues cuando esta calmado proseguir con el argumento."

(When the man is angry, get out of the "ring." Don't continue arguing; it's poison to the relationship. Then when he's calm continue with your argument.

3. Tratar de siempre estar bien atractiva.

(Try to always look really attractive.)

 4. "El hogar debe de ser un oasis y un verdadero descanso. No darle malas noticias al nomas verlo que llega del trabajo. Si hay que hablar de algun problema, esperar el apropiado momento. Ellos deben de ver a una esposa feliz y sonriente cuando enran a la casa."

(The home should be an oasis and a true place to rest. Don't give him bad news the minute he gets home from work. If there is a need to talk about a problem, wait for a appropriate moment. They must see a wife who is happy and smiling when they arrive home.)

5. "Querer a la familia del esposo porque hay que comprender que es una extencion de la familia nuclear que estan formando."

(Love your husband's family because you must understand that it is an extension of the nuclear family that is forming.)

6. Ser una buena administradora de las finanzas porque no hay peor cosa que agobie a una pareja que las cuentas pendientes

(Be a good administrator of finances because there is not a worse burden on a couple than outstanding balances.)  

I loved these anwers. Many of us women hate to admit that these things do in fact make our men happy... I think she is on to something.

 Te quiero Mami Gloria! Feliz Dia de la Madre!

Happy Mother's Day!!

besitos, xoxo