How to listen to your child through their stories.

Now that you have a bag- {Make one HERE if not}

 I have a great tool that I use in my counseling practice to check in with what perceptions and beliefs my clients may have by playing a game I call "Story in a Bag."

Listening to our children's stories not only builds relationships with our children but they also can reveal a lot about what’s going on in their world.

You may have recognized this game over at How Does She  right {HERE} where I spoke on how to play the game.

Simply have a bag full of random items like this:

Then have your child pick 3 to 5 objects from the bag.

 Then they have to come up with an original story using those items in it. Have them come up with a moral to their story if they are old enough to do so. I love to hear what they come up with!

Many of you may be interested about how I use this Story in a Bag to understand more about the children I am seeing.

NOTE: Now, I am not advocating taking this tool and using it as a replacement for a "therapy session" but I am saying you can use it to listen deeper to what your child is trying to tell you through their story.

Questions to ask yourself that can reveal a lot about what's going on internally are:

What is a theme in my child’s story?

Does my child seem to have a lot of worry or anxiety themes?

Is there a positive or negative ending?

Is there resolution at the end of the story?

How are problems solved?

What values or beliefs are portrayed in the story?

What kind of attitude does the main character have when approaching a problem?

Who solves the problem?

Was there one way or more than one way to solve the problem?

The answers to these questions may parallel a theme or an attitude your child may have.

Things to be aware of and may require more attention are: 

- The story has sexual content in it:  is never appropriate to have sexual content in a child's story or play. If you are at all concerned, seek professional help.

-There is a pattern of stories that have anxiety or fears and often go unresolved: Children often tell stories about stuff that worries or scares them- but usually there is a solution or resolution to the conflict. 

-There is a lack of detail in their story: If your child is simply retelling a familiar movie or tv show and has a difficult time coming up with something new- then there could be concern. Childhood should be a time when imagination is at it's peak. Just keep observing to see if it translates in their everyday life. Are they playing age appropriately?

-Most of their stories are negative or pessimistic: Take note if the environments in their stories are dark and depressing or if the heros in the stories are powerless and always have failures. Just be aware if this at all parallels any behavior or attitudes you have noticed in your child.

Again seek professional help if you internally feel uncertain. They can help with any doubts or questions you may have!

Listen to your intuition-  you know your child better than anyone.

Any other questions- feel free to drop me a line. I love to help!

besitos, xo

Play in therapy.

I often have people ask me why I use PLAY in my therapy instead of just talking to a kid about how they feel. 

Can you imagine what it would be like to have such STRONG feelings in your little body and NOT have the language or understanding of EXPRESSING what was going on inside? 

This is often how children feel because they lack the capacity of expressing their feelings with verbal language. Many grownups have difficulty explaining or processing how they feel... now think of a child. Their SMALL little bodies can experience BIG emotions and a child who acts out or withdraws really is telling you that they are feeling something they can’t process or explain.

Play is healing to children. Play allows children to manipulate their world from their perspective on a smaller scale, something that cannot be done in the child's everyday big and COMPLEX environment. Through play, they can process and express how they feel in a way they understand. Every child has a natural instinct for play. Why not meet them in their world instead of trying to use techniques that may only make sense in a grown up world? 

"One of the most important purposes of play in children is to recover from emotional distress. By pretending, or by retelling the story, the scene can be re-created. This time, the child is in Charge. Through playing it out, emotional healing takes place."

-Lawrence J. Cohen, PHD

Kiddos who have any of these symptoms can benefit from

play therapy:

·Excessive anger, worry, sadness, or fear

·Aggressive behavior (hurting others or self)

·Separation anxiety

·Withdrawing from others

-Behavioral regression

·Low self esteem

·Learning or other school problems

·Sleep, eating, or elimination problems

·Preoccupation with sexual behavior

·Difficulty adjusting to family changes

·Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches without medical cause

That's all for today. P.S. If you like what you read...FOLLOW this blog!

besitos, xoxo