Friday, March 14, 2014

Motherhood: Finding me again.

So, like I mentioned yesterday...I was determined to go do something fun with my kids, partly to celebrate the newly clean home and partly to get the kids out before it was tainted with juice spills, pee drips on the toilet (do boys ever learn how to aim?) and tiny little fingerprints on the glass doors. Let us just say our sparkling home lasted about 1.2 hours before a toy was left behind a dish crept back in the sink or a spill needed to be cleaned up.

But in the words of Juan Pablo from this season of the Bachelor, "It's okay." Ha ha I find myself saying that phrase a lot in a thick spanish accent, "eets ohwkayee"

I was okay with it being okay.

In fact, it felt great! I woke up yesterday morning with a pep in my step and an excitement for life. I was feeling ALIVE! Without the heavy weight of chores, checklists, and to dos of the home- I felt FREE! 

For the first time in months, I was able to sit on the floor and be 100% engaged and present with my kids. I felt like me again. I used to be able to play hours upon hours with kids chasing them, building sandcastles, and playing pretend...that was before I had my own kids and home to run. It took me all my mental strength to remain focused and present in a pretend game. But today I was back... I was smiling. I was laughing. I was having... fun! We played pretend games of tigers and dug for dinosaur bones. We giggled as we slid down the neck of a giraffe slide at the zoo and then made funny faces at each other with our cotton candy mustaches. We got sticky, dirty, and sweaty...and it was all more than okay. It was freaking FABULOUS.

Later that night, the mister walked through the door and we ran up to him with a great big hug and sat to eat a warm dinner while we chatted about our day. Afterwards, we all ventured out for ice cream and the night came to an end as I held my kids in my lap and read them a story and kissed them good night. Then instead of going downstairs to finish up the kitchen clean up- I went to bed early with my husband. Eh hem...we will leave it at that. ;)

I don't write this to brag or make others feel guilt... I write this because I realized something... that the barrier that was causing me to feel such a funk was ME.

As soon as I asked and let someone else help me... I felt free. And it was not so much what we did this day that made a difference...but how I did it. I did it with my heart open and my mind present. And that my friends made a world of difference.

Seeing such a change in one day has caused me to reflect about how I need to ask and call on help more. I can't do this alone...nor should I expect myself to do so.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. I am in the process of revamping and working on upcoming things for this site. Stay tuned!

besitos, xo

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