Have you ever laid awake just thinking?
Thinking of the day before, the next day, what it will be like to have two little responsibilities instead of one, what preschool is a good fit for little man, should I even put him a preschool, trying to solve all the world's problems....blah blah blah. It's like my mind kicks into overload and doesn't shut off.
Lately, I am awakened to an early morning pregnancy bathroom trip. I hop back in bed...(well not really hop but more like waddle over and plop) and my stomach rumbles with hunger. I try to ignore it. But then the mind begins to dream up what it would be like to be biting into Toll House Pie- (one of my favorites from a The Dodo in Salt Lake)...mmmmm... I almost get out of bed to bake myself one.
Self- control Cristi....pull it together. Instead, I grab a banana and some trail-mix. Sad face.
With an already over-analyzing mind- I find myself at 4:00 in the morning and wide awake. 50 minutes later after multiple failed attempts to force myself to sleep- I give in.
So here I am.
With nothing but the sound of quiet. Just a humming of my computer, typing sounds of the keyboard, sound of the heater, and cars passing by on a distant highway is all I hear. I have to admit. It is nice.
As a mother you are never alone. Even when you are physically alone. Your mind always has a spot reserved for your child. It seems like the mother brain doesn't have a power off switch...well at least completely. Even as I write this- I keep thinking I hear little footsteps coming towards me- like it is only a matter of time before he knows I am awake and we start our day.
I have been teaching a few different parenting classes in the community and finished up a series this week with a group of women. I think I love teaching groups so much because of all the strength that women give to one another and the strength I get from observing and listening to their stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, they have an unspoken understanding of one another- and understand the struggles and joys that come with the title of being a Mother. But the need for personal alone time and space comes up 100% of the time. As women, we are really bad about taking the time to do that. Moments of stillness and pure solitude are way too far and between.
I think I can count on one hand the naps I have taken during the 7 months of pregnancy. I mean this should be my guilt free moment to do so right? Why don't I do it then?
I seem to always have some pressing deadline hanging over my head. I've decided this morning as I am procrastinating working on a deadline that it's time to REFOCUS and cut off the things in my life that prevent me from doing the things I truly want to be doing... like writing more in this blog for example. So, with the few projects that I am wrapping up in the next few months- my goal is to be 100% done with the session shooting portion of my photography business before the baby is here and then not taking anything else on. Even if it is saying no...which is a weakness of mine.
Then just maybe I can go back to the photos of my family vacations that I took over 6 years ago and actually finish editing them. Then just maybe even create some albums from the tens of thousands of photos that I have on my computer.
So, I have about 7 weeks to tie up loose ends...
But for now, I am off to edit and finish up some photography deadlines.
That is if Little Man isn't awake...I swear he has a radar for when I am up early.
Are there things in your life that you feel need to be taken off your plate?