Motherhood: World's Toughest Job

Do you sometimes feel like you are expected to wear a million different hats as a mother? Doctor, cook, plumber, taxi driver, waitress, maid, teacher,cheerleader, entertainment, etc.

A few days ago the mister and I were chatting about some things I was trying to sort out with our insurance...then I found myself sobbing. At that moment, I felt like I was supposed to know how to manage a million different things in my spare time... things that I didn't have any previous knowledge in. I think it is difficult for a person who is not home all day to understand how a busy a day can really be without all the extra tasks and errands. Add those things in the daytime, and it is feels impossible.

 The next day he texted me this.

 I am sure you have seen it already...it gets me every time. I just love it..

Moms are amazing huh? 

Check out the entire article here.

besitos,

xo

Vision Board 2014: Motherhood

Holidays are over and done. Sheesh someone should have warned me that the whole Santa gig... is a whole lot of work!

Now it's time to ease back into every day life... it's hard to do. I feel a slight emptiness. I miss my husband who is away at work. I miss my three- year-old who is away at preschool. I miss my sisters and family who are stuck in the Domincian Republic still due to flight cancelations. (I secretly wish I was there) I miss the anticipation of Christmas and New Years. I miss Christmas music and the smells.
sigh.

But here we are...time moves on whether we are ready or not.
2014. Hello.
What do you have in store for me?

This week's art journal will be on creating a mission and vision for 2014. Without a vision or a mission- how will I know where to go?

 I will be on How Does She tomorrow sharing how to get started and since I created 5 mini boards for each area of my life that I want to focus on- I will post one each day this week and share a little more about what I am striving for.
 Starting with today...

My first board is on Motherhood. It is something that is always on the forefront of my mind and a rather easy board to pull together.

I asked myself this: What do I see, feel, smell, hear, and taste this year in regards to being a mother. 

 This is what I envision.

in 2014 I hope 

to see:

-playing 

-reading

-learning
-swimming
-exploring
-traveling

to feel:

-the wind in my face as we bike ride

-the grass under my toes as we play outside
-the sand in my hands as we build sand castles

-the embraces of my little ones

-my lips against those chubby cheeks

to smell:

- warm dinner on the table

-clean home
-clean babies from the bath tub
-the outdoors

to hear:

-giggles

-family prayers

-my son's jokes and chatter at bedtime

-splashes from a pool
-music
-kind words

to taste:

-fresh bread

-homemade pizza
-ice-cream
-weekly donuts

besitos. xo

Do we set our kids up to misbehave?

As parents do we set our kids up to misbehave?

 I would say the answer to that often times is... YES! 

It's like me asking this 18-month-old to pose and smile at the camera and be still. 

Seriously- 18 month-olds are not wired to be still. End of story.

 In fact, that is the busiest time of their life. How could I expect that from him? I literally could not even keep him in my arms for more than a few seconds to get this blurry photo!

But even with any other age- parents overlook what is really going on through the eyes of their child. We want a quick fix and solution to the problem...and fast. We have forgotten what being a child is like and really their emotional needs are really similar to ours.

Two things to remember...

Kids want to feel connected and belonging. (just like us)

and 

Kids need to feel like they have some sense of power and control in their life. (just like us)

If we are constantly choosing, demanding, saying "Don't do that...Get off of there...Eat this..." we just might find a little fighter who feels misunderstood, discouraged, and powerless wanting to demand some attention and control in their life.

How would you behave if that was what you are experiencing?

Two things you can do...

Spend daily one-on-one time with your child being 100% present- no phones, no tv, no distractions. Place all your focus on them. (It's harder than you think)

and

Give them plenty of choices for them to choose from on a daily basis. 

*Also keep in mind HALT- I talked about it in this post HERE. Some reasons children misbehave to keep in mind...Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.

I know I act out with any of these...and so do they.

Next time your child is not doing what you want them to do... take a moment and think of the last time you had one-on-one with them or that you gave them he opportunity to feel in charge.

I have so much more to say about this...but let's leave it at that for now.

besitos, xo

Awake to think...Refocus.

Have you ever laid awake just thinking? 

Thinking of the day before, the next day, what it will be like to have two little responsibilities instead of one, what preschool is a good fit for little man, should I even put him a preschool, trying to solve all the world's problems....blah blah blah. It's like my mind kicks into overload and doesn't shut off. 

Lately, I am awakened to an early morning pregnancy bathroom trip. I hop back in bed...(well not really hop but more like waddle over and plop) and my stomach rumbles with hunger. I try to ignore it. But then the mind begins to dream up what it would be like to be biting into Toll House Pie- (one of my favorites from a The Dodo in Salt Lake)...mmmmm... I almost get out of bed to bake myself one. 

Self- control Cristi....pull it together. Instead,  I grab a banana and some trail-mix. Sad face.

With an already over-analyzing mind- I find myself at 4:00 in the morning and wide awake.  50 minutes later after multiple failed attempts to force myself to sleep- I give in.

So here I am.

With nothing but the sound of quiet. Just a humming of my computer, typing sounds of the keyboard, sound of the heater, and cars passing by on a distant highway is all I hear. I have to admit. It is nice. 

As a mother you are never alone. Even when you are physically alone. Your mind always has a spot reserved for your child. It seems like the mother brain doesn't have a power off switch...well at least completely. Even as I write this- I keep thinking I hear little footsteps coming towards me- like it is only a matter of time before he knows I am awake and we start our day. 

I have been teaching a few different parenting classes in the community and finished up a series this week with a group of women. I think I love teaching groups so much because of all the strength that women give to one another and the strength I get from observing and listening to their stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, they have an unspoken understanding of one another- and understand the  struggles and joys that come with the title of being a Mother. But the need for personal alone time and space comes up 100% of the time. As women, we are really bad about taking the time to do that. Moments of stillness and pure solitude are way too far and between. 

I think I can count on one hand the naps I have taken during the 7 months of pregnancy. I mean this should be my guilt free moment to do so right? Why don't I do it then?

Deadlines.

I seem to always have some pressing deadline hanging over my head. I've decided this morning as I am procrastinating working on a deadline that it's time to REFOCUS and cut off the things in my life that prevent me from doing the things I truly want to be doing... like writing more in this blog for example.  So, with the few projects that I am wrapping up in the next few months- my goal is to be 100% done with the session shooting portion of my photography business before the baby is here and then not taking anything else on. Even if it is saying no...which is a weakness of mine.  

Then just maybe I can go back to the photos of my family vacations that I took over 6 years ago and actually finish editing them. Then just maybe even create some albums from the tens of thousands of photos that I have on my computer.

So, I have about 7 weeks to tie up loose ends...

 But for now, I am off to edit and finish up some photography deadlines.

That is if Little Man isn't awake...I swear he has a radar for when I am up early.

Are there things in your life that you feel need to be taken off your plate?

besitos, xo

Flashback Friday...How to turn a 20 minute task into a 4 hour one.

For the past few weeks I have been teaching a parenting curriculum called Child Parent Relationship Training (otherwise known as Filial Therapy) that I will tell you more about soon- and it has been so much fun to listen to these moms who have such different situations in their lives but can relate to one another with the pure experience in itself of being a mom. I am just always so amazed at how fabulous mothers are. We really have such an important job that we do every day while we juggle everything else we have going on! It's amazing. 

So, in honor of the crazy lifestyle of a mom- my Flashback Friday I reflect on this feeling I had (here ) of being a new mom for  just under 8 weeks and adapting to the new life of a mother and trying to meet his needs while doing a simple task that used to just take 20 minutes tops!

Note to self: You can not start and stop the process of rice crispee treats... hardened marshmallow equals impossibleness to cut and clean up.

Date: April 14th, 2010 

  

So, I was in charge of our combined Young Woman and Young Men's activity last week and thought I would make an easy treat for about 50 youth...so, what is more simple than a little Rice Crispee Treat right? A little butter, some marshmallows, and rice crispees thrown together and VUALA- Pure yumminess!  No problem...20 minutes max right? How about almost 4 HOURS!!! This is how my day went:

12:10 pm- With Little Man sleeping in his crib, I ventured into the kitchen and went to work taking out the ingredients and warming up the butter and marshmallow mixture. 

12:20- I was in the middle of mixing the warm marshmallows and butter mixture when I heard Little Man begin to cry.... Being a new mom that shutters to the sound of her baby crying- I stopped mid stir and ran to his rescue. 

12:50- With a full belly, Nixon rested in my arms not wanting to be put down while I re-heated the mixture and began to stir...this time it being almost impossible with one hand- quite the arm workout! One handed, I tipped the rice crispee cereal in the mixture and tried stirring it in a bowl only to realize my bowl was too small and it came pouring over the bowl and all onto the counter top. Oops!

1:00- with the bowl overflowing of sticky marshmallows mess and rice crispees spread all across the counter, I grabbed another bowl with my sticky marshmallow hand and attempted to transfer the now hardened mixture into a larger one to finish stirring and then transfered it again to a glass dish...not an easy task for the one handed.

1:15- With one batch finished, I starting the process over (one handed)... lets just say it was nearly impossible yet a humorous balancing act.

1:20- Fed-ex man at the door- my hands covered in marshmallow goo and literally stuck to the wooden spoon...I opted to ignore it. 

1:45-  Nixon is hungry AGAIN...time to feed.

2:20- Continued where I left off now with Nixon now in a sling. 

2:45- Phone rings and I run to get it stepping on melted marshmallow goo that had fallen onto the floor. I then scramble to rinse my foot off in the sink to only run over it again while running to the phone.  I missed the phone call.

3:15- Tried cutting treats with a heart cut out... nearly impossible to do. 

3:45- Giving up after cutting out 30 hearts I finished cutting them with a bread knife.

4:00- Finished. Exaughisted. Time to clean up the disaster mess... after taking a few photos of course.

How did a 20 minute recipe turn into a 4 hour mess?

Besitos, XO

Non-negotiables. Period.

{Art Journal Page: "My inner Mother" My favorite was the little notes in the lunch box!}

I have been trying to sit down and write all week long... but the energy seems to be drained out of my body and my mind these past few days and my bed seems to win over writing. But that still leaves my thoughts to dance around my head as I look upon the end of this month- I ask myself: Did I accomplish this month's goal of setting my priorities? Did I constantly put them first? What are my non-negotiables-  you know the things that are not up for negotiation? 

Isn't it amazing that when we are going through a trial in our life like a loss or a setback (example here) that it seems like the decision and capability to put those priorities first is much more simple. It seems as if the world stops and nothing else matters but those things you cherish the most. During times like these, it's so crystal clear. 

But, soon with time, the mundane obligations and daily responsibilities creep back into life and that clarity becomes a foggy mess. At least it feels that way to me. 

For me, it seems like there are some non-negotiables that pull me out of the fog and I always go back to. 

Some include:

1. Make time for God in my life. Start every day with prayer and spiritual message- include the kids.

2. Make sure my children, husband, and family remain first before any other job. As Dr. Laura would say, "I am my kid's mom." Also, Monday nights are dedicated to family night. Period.

3. Be the kind of Mother that I envision. Take the time to teach, cuddle, laugh, and play each and every day- even if the house chores take a back seat.

4. Serve and love others unconditionally. Leave time in the day to be able to serve... and teach my kids how to do the same.

I am sure there are more out there that I missed or need more work. Like weekly "date nights"- It seems like they should happen more often then they do- but it baby steps.

 What are some of your "NON-NEGOTIABLES?"

besitos,

xo

Flashback Friday..."I Once Thought"

I am one of those people who always has/had multiple passions. I blame it on being a Gemini! Therefore, I have started several blogs in my lifetime with different topics. As any smart person would know- having more than one blog makes it difficult to keep them all up on a regular basis... HOWEVER, I can't seem to push the delete button or let them go! I started in 2005 people... there are memories there!

So my dilemma is: do I keep them or let them go? 

What name do I keep?

(Weeds to Wishes or The Diary of a Dame...?? )

I am trusting that whatever needs to happen will...and for now my focus is here.

With that, I am introducing

 "Flash-back Fridays" 

where I will look back on some of my fondest memories from the past.

Here is one of my favorite entries I wrote on May 19th, 2010 here on what I had learned about being a mother in just 3 months.

Dear Diary,

Little Man is fast asleep and I can’t take my eyes off of him. I listen to the rain and thunder crashing down around us... something about that sound makes me slow down and contemplate life. (after thinking of The Sound of Music song of course) Hmmmm… I wonder… as I stare down at my little babe… how can life look so different today than it once did?

I once thought

I once thought I was fearful… now I am fearless.  

I once thought I had respect for my parents… now I know what it means to honor them.                                    

I once knew I was strong… but now I have discovered an inner strength I never knew I had.

I once thought passing gas was disgusting… now it’s so cute.

I once needed an alarm clock...now my baby sets my schedule.

I once would wonder why parents of a screaming child couldn’t get control of their child… now I empathize with them.

I once thought of showers and makeup as a daily routine…now they are luxuries.

I once thought there was no such thing as love at first sight… now I realized  I can love a complete stranger. 

Those are my thoughts as I lay down to sleep tonight. Good Night.                                                 

                                                                                         

 Love, 

    Cristi Dame

Besitos, 

xo

Confession: I used to be a feminist.

Today's confession:

For many years I identified myself as a feminist. 

It was something that developed in my late teens and in college as a way to rebel...still not sure who I was rebelling against... society? Mormon culture? Men? I don't even know.

 I knew I believed in my faith but was annoyed by the culture of women who I figured were all secretly Prozac-popping, unhappy desperate housewives forced to stay home and bake cookies.

I distinctly remember after watching "You've Got Mail" in high school fantasizing about cutting my hair short like Meg Ryan (which I did) and living in the city with my dog and my business... Oh wait she ends up with the guy in the end...I think I just loved Meg Ryan. What else did you need?  Sex in the City in college added to these fantasies about living a single and sexy life in a big city. Who needed anything else but girl friends and fashion?  My goal was to pursue a PhD in psychology and then one day have my own radio talk show... and a dog. Perhaps I would one day marry and have children and he would be able to accommodate to MY lifestyle and perhaps even stay home so I could fulfill my life long dream?

Well, needless to say- neither of those fantisicies happened.

I never moved to the city with my dog.
However,

I DID fall in love and marry my husband...although, I didn't change my last name for years.

 I DID go to graduate school.
I DID pursue my career. 

And after 6 years of marriage, I DID get pregnant.

Another confession...

During that time, I was having a difficult time getting excited... or at least showing it. I felt like I had to explain to all my non-married and non-parent friends who were well into their careers a reason for my decision. I began to feel slightly resentful towards my husband. "How come his life doesn't have to change at all but mine does? How come he doesn't have to get fat and sacrifice his body for this little human? He has no idea what it is like to stay home all day because he still gets to go to work and do adult things." 

Blah Blah Blah. 

But it wasn't until I almost lost my first baby and then did in fact loose another baby when I pleaded with the Lord to give me strength and knowledge on how to over come these trials. What was I to learn from all this?  






All of a sudden "How come he gets to____ and I don't" began to transform into,  "I am so lucky to experience my divine role as woman and as a mother."  I know several woman, including my dear sister, who are struggling to have a baby. I can't take this gift for granted and I know that not every woman is fortunate to experience this. But there is a divine role for every woman...and for every man specific to their innate and eternal gifts and it is individual.

 I finally stopped wasting time fantisizing about another life and actually started LIVING and LOVING the one I was creating.

I asked the Lord to help me understand my individual divine purpose as a mother... and found confirmations all around me. Which I am going to talk about more in depth in another post.

All of a sudden my eyes and my heart were open to my individual divine role.  It may look different than yours or your neighbors...and I encourage you to pray and seek for answers on what it means to you. But all I know is that I don't have the need to compare myself to anyone else. I now understand my individual purpose and I know there is a specific plan for me.

I don't have to hide behind the title of a feminist. 

I now see myself as a EMPOWERED WOMAN. One who doesn't need anyone else or titles to prove that I am of worth. I am proud to be woman and embrace my feminine traits that have been given to me for a purpose.

To all my fellow sisters who felt that wearing pants to church last Sunday was making some sort of statement about inequality in your religion- I encourage you to take up that issue with you and the Lord. Pray about it.  Remember when we continually think like a victim- we become one. Stop asking, "What more is in it for me..." and start asking, "How can I give more to someone else."

Remember, this month's challenge: LIVE FOR OTHERS.

As for me and my beliefs, this quote by Clayton Christensen, a professor at Harvard and fellow Mormon, sums up my beliefs: 

"I still have many questions, but I don't have any doubt."  

Time is up- my little one is awake from his nap... please excuse my grammar and misspellings....I have been made aware that I need an editor...haha and it's true.

xo 
Besitos

Wishing on a Dandelion

Dear Mr. Dandelion Wish Granter,

I always take the time to stop and make a wish every time I see a dandelion... and I am wishing the same exact same wish...so there must be hundreds of the same wish up there...

 I don't mean to sound impatient...or pushy... but... 

Is there any way you can send that wish my way anytime soon?

Patiently and impatiently waiting,