Today's confession:
For many years I identified myself as a feminist.
It was something that developed in my late teens and in college as a way to rebel...still not sure who I was rebelling against... society? Mormon culture? Men? I don't even know.
I knew I believed in my faith but was annoyed by the culture of women who I figured were all secretly Prozac-popping, unhappy desperate housewives forced to stay home and bake cookies.
I distinctly remember after watching "You've Got Mail" in high school fantasizing about cutting my hair short like Meg Ryan (which I did) and living in the city with my dog and my business... Oh wait she ends up with the guy in the end...I think I just loved Meg Ryan. What else did you need? Sex in the City in college added to these fantasies about living a single and sexy life in a big city. Who needed anything else but girl friends and fashion? My goal was to pursue a PhD in psychology and then one day have my own radio talk show... and a dog. Perhaps I would one day marry and have children and he would be able to accommodate to MY lifestyle and perhaps even stay home so I could fulfill my life long dream?
Well, needless to say- neither of those fantisicies happened.
I never moved to the city with my dog.
However,
However,
I DID fall in love and marry my husband...although, I didn't change my last name for years.
I DID go to graduate school.
I DID pursue my career.
And after 6 years of marriage, I DID get pregnant.
Another confession...
During that time, I was having a difficult time getting excited... or at least showing it. I felt like I had to explain to all my non-married and non-parent friends who were well into their careers a reason for my decision. I began to feel slightly resentful towards my husband. "How come his life doesn't have to change at all but mine does? How come he doesn't have to get fat and sacrifice his body for this little human? He has no idea what it is like to stay home all day because he still gets to go to work and do adult things."
Blah Blah Blah.
But it wasn't until I almost lost my first baby and then did in fact loose another baby when I pleaded with the Lord to give me strength and knowledge on how to over come these trials. What was I to learn from all this?
All of a sudden "How come he gets to____ and I don't" began to transform into, "I am so lucky to experience my divine role as woman and as a mother." I know several woman, including my dear sister, who are struggling to have a baby. I can't take this gift for granted and I know that not every woman is fortunate to experience this. But there is a divine role for every woman...and for every man specific to their innate and eternal gifts and it is individual.
I finally stopped wasting time fantisizing about another life and actually started LIVING and LOVING the one I was creating.
I asked the Lord to help me understand my individual divine purpose as a mother... and found confirmations all around me. Which I am going to talk about more in depth in another post.
All of a sudden my eyes and my heart were open to my individual divine role. It may look different than yours or your neighbors...and I encourage you to pray and seek for answers on what it means to you. But all I know is that I don't have the need to compare myself to anyone else. I now understand my individual purpose and I know there is a specific plan for me.
I don't have to hide behind the title of a feminist.
I now see myself as a EMPOWERED WOMAN. One who doesn't need anyone else or titles to prove that I am of worth. I am proud to be woman and embrace my feminine traits that have been given to me for a purpose.
I DID pursue my career.
And after 6 years of marriage, I DID get pregnant.
Another confession...
During that time, I was having a difficult time getting excited... or at least showing it. I felt like I had to explain to all my non-married and non-parent friends who were well into their careers a reason for my decision. I began to feel slightly resentful towards my husband. "How come his life doesn't have to change at all but mine does? How come he doesn't have to get fat and sacrifice his body for this little human? He has no idea what it is like to stay home all day because he still gets to go to work and do adult things."
Blah Blah Blah.
But it wasn't until I almost lost my first baby and then did in fact loose another baby when I pleaded with the Lord to give me strength and knowledge on how to over come these trials. What was I to learn from all this?
All of a sudden "How come he gets to____ and I don't" began to transform into, "I am so lucky to experience my divine role as woman and as a mother." I know several woman, including my dear sister, who are struggling to have a baby. I can't take this gift for granted and I know that not every woman is fortunate to experience this. But there is a divine role for every woman...and for every man specific to their innate and eternal gifts and it is individual.
I finally stopped wasting time fantisizing about another life and actually started LIVING and LOVING the one I was creating.
I asked the Lord to help me understand my individual divine purpose as a mother... and found confirmations all around me. Which I am going to talk about more in depth in another post.
All of a sudden my eyes and my heart were open to my individual divine role. It may look different than yours or your neighbors...and I encourage you to pray and seek for answers on what it means to you. But all I know is that I don't have the need to compare myself to anyone else. I now understand my individual purpose and I know there is a specific plan for me.
I don't have to hide behind the title of a feminist.
I now see myself as a EMPOWERED WOMAN. One who doesn't need anyone else or titles to prove that I am of worth. I am proud to be woman and embrace my feminine traits that have been given to me for a purpose.
To all my fellow sisters who felt that wearing pants to church last Sunday was making some sort of statement about inequality in your religion- I encourage you to take up that issue with you and the Lord. Pray about it. Remember when we continually think like a victim- we become one. Stop asking, "What more is in it for me..." and start asking, "How can I give more to someone else."
Remember, this month's challenge: LIVE FOR OTHERS.
Remember, this month's challenge: LIVE FOR OTHERS.
As for me and my beliefs, this quote by Clayton Christensen, a professor at Harvard and fellow Mormon, sums up my beliefs:
"I still have many questions, but I don't have any doubt."
Time is up- my little one is awake from his nap... please excuse my grammar and misspellings....I have been made aware that I need an editor...haha and it's true.
xo
Besitos
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