Nap-time Confession:
I woke up feeling slightly... well lost today.
For starters...I thought it was Monday- So I am pretending it is...okay?
Since my miscarriage back in April, I have felt an emptiness that causes my heart to ache every once in awhile...and then it's followed by me trying to shake it off by focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't.
But the pain is still there.
There are moments like today where I feel like I just need some time to grieve again...where the cravings for oreos and ice cream are strong. :)
As the days become shorter and the evenings begin to cool off, internally I know another season is approaching...
...the season in which my baby would have arrived.
One more season where my dreams and hopes didn't seem to come true.
I knew something strange was up as I spoke to my little sister Bee on the phone today and found myself sobbing as I told her of the experience of taking yet another pregnancy test just to read the dreaded words, "Not Pregnant." I prepared myself for worst case scenario as I usually do and placed it on the counter to come back a few minutes later to find that one line. I gently laid it in the garbage because I knew I would be back a few minutes later to see if it would have magically changed.
It didn't.
Here is my current WEED:
In my sister's wisdom and very much relating to what I was going through, she reminded me of the different trials that each and everyone of us goes through to be taught the lesson or gain the strength we need at that time. I may not understand it right now in the moment- but I know there is a bright spot in my future. I mean really- I already have many bright spots- I am so blessed.
I am.
Here are some of them during out carnival time this past weekend.
My current WISHES:
I woke up feeling slightly... well lost today.
For starters...I thought it was Monday- So I am pretending it is...okay?
Since my miscarriage back in April, I have felt an emptiness that causes my heart to ache every once in awhile...and then it's followed by me trying to shake it off by focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't.
But the pain is still there.
There are moments like today where I feel like I just need some time to grieve again...where the cravings for oreos and ice cream are strong. :)
As the days become shorter and the evenings begin to cool off, internally I know another season is approaching...
...the season in which my baby would have arrived.
One more season where my dreams and hopes didn't seem to come true.
It didn't.
Here is my current WEED:
In my sister's wisdom and very much relating to what I was going through, she reminded me of the different trials that each and everyone of us goes through to be taught the lesson or gain the strength we need at that time. I may not understand it right now in the moment- but I know there is a bright spot in my future. I mean really- I already have many bright spots- I am so blessed.
I am.
Here are some of them during out carnival time this past weekend.
My current WISHES:
For Music Monday (although it is Tuesday) here is a song called Wishing Well my sister recently wrote... about the very idea of wanting something so badly that it hurts. I needed to hear this again today. Thanks Bianca.
I think my little man is up from his nap... Thanks for letting me get that out... now I am going to refocus and spend time with my little bright spot.
besitos
xo
Posts
Sometimes it is so hard to see the blessings that surround us when we are focused on what we want. I pray that God continues to bring peace to your spirit. Thanks for sharing something so personal.
ReplyDeleteThanks for those encouraging words... it is very true.
DeleteIt's easy to get caught up in focusing on what we want.... especially when it is out of our control!
Thanks for sharing this love. I'm grateful we can share these "weeds" with each other, it's such a blessing to have you.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful to have you in my life... you are one of my wishes. ;)
Delete