Monday, May 20, 2013

Do we set our kids up to misbehave?

As parents do we set our kids up to misbehave?

 I would say the answer to that often times is... YES! 
It's like me asking this 18-month-old to pose and smile at the camera and be still. 
Seriously- 18 month-olds are not wired to be still. End of story.
 In fact, that is the busiest time of their life. How could I expect that from him? I literally could not even keep him in my arms for more than a few seconds to get this blurry photo!

But even with any other age- parents overlook what is really going on through the eyes of their child. We want a quick fix and solution to the problem...and fast. We have forgotten what being a child is like and really their emotional needs are really similar to ours.

Two things to remember...
Kids want to feel connected and belonging. (just like us)


Kids need to feel like they have some sense of power and control in their life. (just like us)

If we are constantly choosing, demanding, saying "Don't do that...Get off of there...Eat this..." we just might find a little fighter who feels misunderstood, discouraged, and powerless wanting to demand some attention and control in their life.

How would you behave if that was what you are experiencing?

Two things you can do...
Spend daily one-on-one time with your child being 100% present- no phones, no tv, no distractions. Place all your focus on them. (It's harder than you think)


Give them plenty of choices for them to choose from on a daily basis. 

*Also keep in mind HALT- I talked about it in this post HERE. Some reasons children misbehave to keep in mind...Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.

I know I act out with any of these...and so do they.

Next time your child is not doing what you want them to do... take a moment and think of the last time you had one-on-one with them or that you gave them he opportunity to feel in charge.

I have so much more to say about this...but let's leave it at that for now.

besitos, xo


  1. thank you for sharing this, what a great reminder! :)

  2. Oh my goodness Cristi! I just stumbled upon your blog and feel like I found a soul momma! So refreshing and relatable to how I think about parenting. Last night I was at Trader Joe's and this delightful little girl was bebopping happily with a kiddy cart and ogre mom scolded her in such an ugly, mean way. My heart totally broke when I saw the look on the little girls embarrassed, so hurt, so confused. THAT'S WHAT THE DURN CARTS ARE FOR, ORGRE MOM! (But I digress)... I wish more parents read your blog. I don't think being a parent means breaking our kids' spirits with ridiculously/stifling/controlling boundaries that make us feel in control. It's about being a guide. A teacher. Did that little girl learn that it's okay to have fun with her cart and still be mindful of others around her? no. I think all she learned is that Trader Joe's sucks. How unfortunate. Love your blog!