Red Balloons for Ryan: Tribute to Mother's Who have Lost

Being a mother is vulnerable. You feel so much indescribable love for your children that at times your heart feels as if it will burst with this love. But you know how vulnerable love can be for your heart... because that same heart could experience great heart ache and pain in the next second if anything were to ever happen to the person you love. It is the risk we have as mothers. It is the fear we have stored in the back of our minds as mothers. When we hear about losses of young people...we feel a little heaviness in our hearts. I have been feeling this for the past week since I heard about this little boy loosing his life and the pain his mother must be feeling.

One week ago today, Jacqui Saldana author of Baby Boy Bakery lost her sweet little boy in a freak accident where he was playing at a family member's home when he ran to catch a Frisbee and was hit by a car. 

He seemed to be a little boy full of spunk and life and his parents just seemed to adore and enjoy every moment with him. I have been amazed on how the online community has supported and rallied behind this family. Because as mothers, we all know and don't know at the same time the pain they must feel with this loss.

Her best friend Alissa Circle, wrote on her blog about the tragedy and encouraged her readers to not only pray for the family, but to also share Ryan's story as a way to remember the boy. 

 The hashtag is:

 #redballoonsforryan 

Keep these families along with other families who have lost a loved one in your prayers.

Last Thursday night, I got to listen to the mother of this sweet little girl. This is Emily who died in the Sandy Hook shooting a few years ago. Her mother said, "Everyone would come up to me and say they were sorry and how it was their nightmare- but I didn't want to be defined by a nightmare."

I was inspired by her words and her strength. 

This video is just absolutely amazing. Grab a tissue.

besitos, xo

Naptime Confession:Mommy is a PERSON.

"Mommy is a person."

This phrase was an Ah Ha moment I had while reading "Motherhood Realized,"  when April Perry was asked by her husband what she needed that week. I first love that question, but I particularly loved what happened next. She responded with, " Well, to survive, I need...." And then he looked at her and said, "April, I don't want you to only survive, I want you to THRIVE." 

Wow...that hit me...why do we as mothers forget that we also have things in our life that make us thrive... things that make us feel alive?

 These things have become a far distant memory as I find myself immersing completely in the trenches with my children day after day. I think that is why I am so spotty in writing on this blog. I love doing it- it makes me feel alive...but sometimes, I don't expect or make room for anything else in my life. Even the simplest things such as painted nails, bubble baths, hobbies, yoga, uninterrupted phone calls, uninterrupted bathroom breaks, solo shopping trips, reading, writing in this blog, and moments of sitting in pure silence all get placed on the back burner...until one day we crack and all our frustrations comes pouring out.

We all have been there.

Seriously... why do we do that to ourselves? We ARE people too you know! 

This phrase, "Mommy is a person," was explained by April to her children at the dinner table one evening. She asked to make sure that before they began that they had all they needed to make it through dinner so she could enjoy eating without having to get up and down... because..."Mommy is a person."

Haha- I laughed when I read that because..

That is so true. 

I am always up and down throughout dinner getting napkins, ice, ketchup- whatever. 

But no way not anymore...

My job description as a mother doesn't need to include: having absolutely zero free time,  dropping whatever I am in the middle of to retrieve something for a child, taking 2 minute showers or frankly no showers at all, skipping going to the gym because it is inconvenient, having children wait outside the door while I go to the bathroom, be the constant entertainment and the constant planner for everyone's schedule but my own, and ignoring those parts of myself that make me thrive as a mother and as a person.  

So today ask yourself...WHAT DO YOU NEED TO THRIVE? 

This story among many others is in the book Motherhood Realized! It is a must read! Don't forget that I am giving away one of these books right now... and it ends tonight- so hurry!

Go to this post to enter!

besitos, xo

GIVEAWAY: Motherhood Realized Book

Isn't this so true? 

This book was exactly that for me.

A cheering section.

It is a collaboration of stories told through the perspective of different mothers. I have laughed out loud, cried, and pondered over the messages that I read in this book. It continues to gain momentum as it is #1 in motherhood and parenting on Amazon right now! 

As I have mentioned, I am on the launching team for The Power of Moms and love what they stand for and this book is no exception!

Who wants to read this righ now!??
 I love it so much that I am going to giveaway a digital download of this book to one of my readers!!

Enter here.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Who is your cheering section in your life?

besitos, xo

Motherhood: Finding me again.

So, like I mentioned yesterday...I was determined to go do something fun with my kids, partly to celebrate the newly clean home and partly to get the kids out before it was tainted with juice spills, pee drips on the toilet (do boys ever learn how to aim?) and tiny little fingerprints on the glass doors. Let us just say our sparkling home lasted about 1.2 hours before a toy was left behind a dish crept back in the sink or a spill needed to be cleaned up.

But in the words of Juan Pablo from this season of the Bachelor, "It's okay." Ha ha I find myself saying that phrase a lot in a thick spanish accent, "eets ohwkayee"

I was okay with it being okay.

In fact, it felt great! I woke up yesterday morning with a pep in my step and an excitement for life. I was feeling ALIVE! Without the heavy weight of chores, checklists, and to dos of the home- I felt FREE! 

For the first time in months, I was able to sit on the floor and be 100% engaged and present with my kids. I felt like me again. I used to be able to play hours upon hours with kids chasing them, building sandcastles, and playing pretend...that was before I had my own kids and home to run. It took me all my mental strength to remain focused and present in a pretend game. But today I was back... I was smiling. I was laughing. I was having... fun! We played pretend games of tigers and dug for dinosaur bones. We giggled as we slid down the neck of a giraffe slide at the zoo and then made funny faces at each other with our cotton candy mustaches. We got sticky, dirty, and sweaty...and it was all okay....no- more than okay. It was freaking FABULOUS.

Later that night, the mister walked through the door and we ran up to him with a great big hug and sat to eat a warm dinner while we chatted about our day. Afterwards, we all ventured out for ice cream and the night came to an end as I held my kids in my lap and read them a story and kissed them good night. Then instead of going downstairs to finish up the kitchen clean up- I went to bed early with my husband. Eh hem...we will leave it at that. ;)

I don't write this to brag or make others feel guilt... I write this because I realized something... that the barrier that was causing me to feel such a funk was ME.

As soon as I asked and let someone else help me... I felt free. And it was not so much what we did this day that made a difference...but how I did it. I did it with my heart open and my mind present. And that my friends made a world of difference.

Seeing such a change in one day has caused me to reflect about how I need to ask and call on help more. I can't do this alone...nor should I expect myself to do so.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. I am in the process of revamping and working on upcoming things for this site. Stay tuned!

besitos, xo

Naptime Confession: Letting go...I hired someone to clean my house.

Confession...  

I am addicted.

Okay so that is not the confession I am here to share. But I do love this stuff. Right now I am sitting at my computer after a beautiful day with a jar of cookie butter and a spoon. I really need to get my own jar and label it because I think I am going to go for only one dip...but shortly after putting it back in the pantry...I sneak it out and... double dip. Shhhhh....that is an additional confession... But I must celebrate a fabulous day of accomplishments. The kids are sound asleep. The house is quiet. And the house is CLEAN. I don't have any additional house cleaning hanging over my head. It is COMPLETE.
That is right...I have plenty of time to just be here right now eating my cookie butter with you.

My secret?
After months (okay maybe years) of talking about it...

I hired someone...to clean my house.

Why has it taken me this long to finally call and get help? I mean let's be honest, I hate to clean. Okay I don't really HATE it...but I would rather be doing pretty much ANYTHING else- minor surgery included. I mean why is that I have this idea in my mind that in order to be a "good mom" I need to be Martha and have a spotless house, with three warm meals, and a million pinterest-worthy activities for the kids to engage in on a daily basis. AHHHHHH. How?

The funny part is that when my new cleaning friends were here, I kept hearing myself apologizing for the filth and even found myself cleaning along side with them. Ugh... finally after several hours of apologies and toilet scrubbing- I told myself to stop. Just stop. Let go. Remember be okay with okay. So, I let go and took my little ones to the park...and didn't think about anything else but being there in the moment with them. PERRRFECTION!

Is it weird that I was teary eyed when I hugged and thanked them sincerely from the bottom of my heart...I was overwhelmed with complete gratitude. These two women came into my filthy home and gave me such a wonderful gift. Time. Time with my kids. Time to be a mother and a wife who can completely be in the moment. And that my friends is worth every penny. I just may have to cut the budget in different areas...but I will figure that out. This for me is priceless.

I just realized a weed that I kept telling myself...that I am only a "good mom" if I keep a perfectly clean house. I am here to tell you that I don't believe that any more. I am a great mom... because I. try. my. best...end of story.
And so are you.

What stories do you keep telling yourself about not measuring up?

Now, I am planning my day with my kids... no cleaning needs to be done...what should we do? Art? Zoo? Museum? Park? I can not wait to spend the day 100% in the moment with these munchkins. 

besitos, xo

Family: Creating a Family Vision Board

To know where you are heading you must know where you are going. 

I love creating vision boards to be able to visualize what I want for myself and my life. A few months ago, I set out to create a 2014 vision board for myself. You can find the process and final results  here. 

But I know this same principle applies to a family. Having a family vision not only can help guide and get family members on the same page, but it is a great reminder during moments of possible conflict. 

If there is ever a moment where a family member is behaving in a manner opposite to the family vision, I point to it and ask questions such as:

"What could we do right now to become this family in our family vision?" 

"How can I help you so we can get back on track to our family vision?"

"What do you think needs to happen so we can be inline with our family vision?"

"What is something we can do right now to follow our family vision?"

You want to create one?

Close your eyes...well not now but after you read this.

Ask yourself this: "If you could create a family vibe and culture what would that look like?" Use all your senses and really visualize what that means. What are you guys doing? What does your home feel like? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it smell like?

 We first wrote out thoughts and words that could describe our family. Common words that came up were, fun, dancing, kind, loving, sharing, christ-centered, supporting, helping, traveling, traditions, etc. 

Then, we gathered magazines and a poster board and everyone cut out images that spoke to them and we glued it on the board. Don't worry how it will look... just let everyone in the family including the real young ones help and be a part of it.

When it is finished your family can talk about ways to be able to be the things you discussed as a family. Hang it on the wall as a reminder.

There you go... Now go and create the family you want to become!

Besitos, xo

Sometimes you gotta just dance

I don't know what it is...but I am just in a funk lately. I think my grandma's sudden death has really caused much shock and sorrow that I have felt paralyzed... or like creatively stuck. I guess I feel like I shouldn't be so affected by this loss- there are many beautiful things I can think that are positives...but somehow, I can't get that day at the hospital out of my head. It feels truly like a dream. Today my sister and I were talking on the phone and we had a question in mind- and I caught myself thinking, "Well I can just call grandma and ask her." And then I realized- no wait. I can't.

 I have been wanting to write about the experience of seeing my grandma pass for sometime now but haven't had an opportunity to really do so and perhaps that is where part of my stuckness is. Maybe that can clear the creative block.

But I am back. March is now here.

I have a good feeling about this month. I hope to be out of the funk and back to normal again...and nothing like a little dancing to lift up my spirits. Dancing dressed like Leprechauns may I add.

I am over at How Does She- sharing a song that I just think you may like! (here)

xo,

Praying for Patience.

Awwww back to reality. 

sigh.

We have escaped the responisbilities of real life pretty much for the past four weeks. From the sparkling snowy woods of McCall, Idaho to the tropical paradise with my family in the Dominican Republic. 

It has been heavenly.

Any established routine or schedule has been thrown out the window... along with a decent bedtime and healthy eating habits. Also Heavenly.

 And let me tell you... We are paying for it. BIG time.

This past week has been adjustment week at our house... and it has been tough. Not to mention we had the attack of the killer pink eye in our home along with snow storms, teething, and car troubles to make matters worse... Fatigue, impatience, and just plain grumpiness has plagued my home. Could it be post holiday blues? Does anyone else feel this way? 

And as a result? A very emotional/whiny and hyper active three-year-old (and mommy).

 We have had a few rough moments to say the least. I was beginning to wonder where that sweet three almost four year old disappeared to.  So much so that I got down on my knees and pleaded for the Lord to bless me with patience, love and a way to help my Little Man. At that moment, Little Man just happened to walk into the room were I was kneeling and asked what I was doing. Tears streamed down my face and I told him- "Praying for more patience and asking Heavenly Father to guide me in knowing how I can help you." Just then, he leaped into my arms knocking me over on my back. We embraced each other and both sobbed. Our relationship and trust was beginning to rebuild after the difficult confrontations we had  that week. 

Later as I was putting him to bed he asked to play pretend with his "doggies." I agreed  and he guided me through his play. I watched as he said a prayer for his doggies that he could protect and love them as their Father. Through that tender moment I understood what he needed from me...To protect and to love him...most importantly to have patience.

Here is to the beginning of a new week!
besitos, xo

Vision Board 2014: Motherhood

Holidays are over and done. Sheesh someone should have warned me that the whole Santa gig... is a whole lot of work!

Now it's time to ease back into every day life... it's hard to do. I feel a slight emptiness. I miss my husband who is away at work. I miss my three- year-old who is away at preschool. I miss my sisters and family who are stuck in the Domincian Republic still due to flight cancelations. (I secretly wish I was there) I miss the anticipation of Christmas and New Years. I miss Christmas music and the smells.
sigh.

But here we are...time moves on whether we are ready or not.
2014. Hello.
What do you have in store for me?

This week's art journal will be on creating a mission and vision for 2014. Without a vision or a mission- how will I know where to go?

 I will be on How Does She tomorrow sharing how to get started and since I created 5 mini boards for each area of my life that I want to focus on- I will post one each day this week and share a little more about what I am striving for.
 Starting with today...

My first board is on Motherhood. It is something that is always on the forefront of my mind and a rather easy board to pull together.

I asked myself this: What do I see, feel, smell, hear, and taste this year in regards to being a mother. 

 This is what I envision.

in 2014 I hope 

to see:

-playing 

-reading

-learning
-swimming
-exploring
-traveling

to feel:

-the wind in my face as we bike ride

-the grass under my toes as we play outside
-the sand in my hands as we build sand castles

-the embraces of my little ones

-my lips against those chubby cheeks

to smell:

- warm dinner on the table

-clean home
-clean babies from the bath tub
-the outdoors

to hear:

-giggles

-family prayers

-my son's jokes and chatter at bedtime

-splashes from a pool
-music
-kind words

to taste:

-fresh bread

-homemade pizza
-ice-cream
-weekly donuts

besitos. xo

Elf on the Shelf: Cute or Creepy?

I can't decide which.

Before I knew about the very popular Elf on the Shelf (I wish I came up with that genious million dollar idea)  we used to have this cute little Elf named Peep that I got here.  But this year  "Elfie" (my son is very original when it comes to naming) came into our lives complete with the book and DVD as a gift and I was excited to see what he thought! 

It's funny because I promised myself when I had kids that I wouldn't use Santa or elves to threaten them to be "good." It just doesn't sit well with me for some reason to say to my child, "Santa is watching you so you better be good." What does "good" mean anyway? Aren't all kids "Good?" If there is a good... there must be a bad? And what does a kid have to do to be "bad" and make it on the naughty list? I never quite knew what that meant as a kid- come to think of it I never knew a kid to get coal in his stocking?

 Yet as much I as I tried bringing this Elf in to our home as just a fun tradition to have- I still  found myself saying, "sure hope the elf isn't watching" or even worse, "I bet that the elf feels sad when you behave this way."

cringe.

It goes against how I felt but I still  resorted to threatening and using guilt to manipulate my child... which by the way didn't even seem to make a difference in his tantrum episode- in fact I think it made it worse!

Don't get me wrong- I LOVE Christmas and I LOVE traditions like the elf- but I want to reframe the use of these  little guys and have been thinking of how I could tweak this tradition into something that promoted a grateful heart instead of the entitlement that this season can bring to our kiddos. 

And then I came across this post from The Imagination Tree about starting a tradition of "Kindness Elves" who come into the home and teach kindness and ways to serve one another.

LOVE that idea!


It has my wheels in my head turning and I am coming up with my own variation that I will share with you! For now go check out her Facebook page if you haven't already and see these little Kindness Elves in action!

besitos, xo

Recovering. Printable for toddler schedules.

Oh these little feet... how much I love these little feet. These little feet didn't want to get shoes on...

These little feet had a difficult time easing into real life from being sick the past week. Little man has been extra needy, demanding, clingy, and just plain emotional. His whiny voice (nails on a chalkboard to my ears) is pretty much all he knows how to talk in these days.

Here is a scenario that just occurred this weekend. Little man very capable of putting on his shoes- refused to do so and kept insisting that I did it. Me being tired of over doing things for him the past week was ready to have him start doing things for himself again.

Total and complete MELTDOWN.

 My parent brain was saying "Oh he is just doing it for the attention. He has been spoiled this week with all my attention and nurturing around the clock that he just wants to take advantage me some more. Don't give in."

My child counselor brian was saying, "He is emotionally regressed right now due to his recovery from his illness, disruption in his schedule last week, excessive amount of TV consumed, lack of nutrients due to his limited appetite, and most importantly is yearning to maintain the connection he had with his me all week because he still doesn't feel back to himself. What he needs is MORE positive interaction and attention with his parents and perhaps some reinforcement that he can do hard things."

Do you see what goes on in my head? Parent vs. Counselor dialogue! But I usually have to fight off that parent brain sometimes and dig deeper to understand where the child is at in his world and all the factors that play a part of his mood...and all of a sudden "ah ha!" I understand. 

So I pulled out the chart we used when he first started learning his daily routine. I had to go back to encouraging and motivating through external reward which in this case is a star that says he completed it and one "listening ball" which I will explain on another post later. 

And you know what happened after I pulled out the chart...

 Crying stopped...and he put on his shoes. Then he walked over to the sink and started to brush his teeth again. I didn't have to ask him- the chart did it for me.

Oh how I love this chart.

 Just in case you are wondering how I made this chart you can read this post {here}!
And if you want to download my printable for this chart- go ahead and do so below!

TODDLER DAILY/NIGHTLY ROUTINE (2 pages)

Download here

Anyhow- enjoy time as a family this holiday!!

besitos, xo

We grow old because we stop PLAYING.

 I was 9 years old when I was watched the movie "Hook" with Robin Williams- you know the one I am talking about? "Looky looky- I've got a hooky." Anyone? I remember specifically promising myself that I would never turn into a boring stuffy adult who had forgotten how to play. Never. 

But somewhere along the way- play became less and less a part of my life. Why is that? It wasn't cool  to play with dolls or barbies anymore. Then eventually- I stopped imagining all together...that is until high school when I had the opportunity to volunteer at a center with troubled kids. I re-discovered the magical world of play and imagination again! That entire year I was on the ground playing, observing, and just being a kid. I was hired right out of high school and started my first "real job" that summer and my love for working with children was born. 

 We once knew how play before- why don't we do it anymore? 

For us adults...it takes PRACTICE!

The more you sit on the floor and are 100% available- your child will let them into their world and you will once again have a glimpse of the magical world of play and pretend.

I love it.

besitos, xo

3 Secrets every parent should know about power struggles.

One thing is for sure I am consistent. 

If I say I am going to do something- I will so it. Okay that's a lie... I just thought about all the failed workout programs and diets I say I'll stick with... BUT when pertaining to consequences that I give my kids....let me tell you- if I say it- I do it. 

One thing that has made following through easier are three simple secrets that I think that every parent should know about fighting battles.

#1 Avoid threatening your child with things you KNOW you won't follow through with. 

If you aren't really willing to take something away- DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT. I can't tell you how many times I have regretted saying something and knowing I would have to follow through with what I said. I once overheard a mother say to her daughter, "If you don't behave we are canceling the trip to Disney Land!" Really? Do you think she would really cancel plane tickets, hotel rooms and the chance to take her family to the happiest place on earth? Don't say it!  Plus how in the world do you measure "BEHAVE?" That is way to vague. Which brings me to #2.

#2 Use very clear and specific language that empowers the child to CHOOSE.

If you set CLEAR expectations on what the child is to do and what will happen if they do or don't follow through- chances are they will finally figure out that listening gets them what they want. Plus they learn to think and choose for themselves. It places responsibility on them and not you. 

Let me give you perfect example...it happened yesterday. I was just about to put Baby Bean to sleep when Little Man burst into the room when he was supposed to be getting ready for a popsicle break before nap. Let me say that he knows I enjoy feeding and putting Little Bean to sleep alone in peace. It's my moment to be alone with just him. The conversation went something like this:

 "If YOU CHOOSE to walk in his room and disturb your baby brother again- then YOU CHOOSE to miss out on the popsicle we were going to have. If YOU CHOOSE stay outside the door then YOU CHOOSE to have your popsicle. What do YOU CHOOSE?"

What do you think happened? 

He walked in the room (pretty much in tears because he knew what I was going to say) and sure enough woke up his baby brother who was just about to fall asleep for his nap. So then I said in a calm and matter a fact voice (although- I was feeling mega frustrated), "Shoot- the minute YOU CHOSE to walk through that door was the very minute YOU CHOSE to not have that popsicle." 

Burst of tears... followed by more crying... followed by begging and pleading for me to change my mind....

As tempting as it was to just make the horrid whiny drama stop- I held my ground. I said it and I had to follow through. Now what would have happened if I would have said,  "Okay just don't do it next time." I would have ruined my credibility. 

So this is what happened next. I knew that it was obviously nap-time and that I really needed a mommy moment to pull it together after his crying episode- so I acknowledged his feelings of being sad and told him that I am totally okay with him crying if he wants to but that it was now rest time for both kids and he needed to be in his room. He didn't have to sleep but he needed to be in his room until the music was over (lullaby music playing).  

These were the exact words I used.

"If YOU CHOOSE to walk out of your room before the music is over, YOU CHOOSE to miss out on another popsicle. If YOU CHOOSE to stay in your room while the music plays, YOU CHOOSE to have a popsicle tomorrow."

He cried for a minute or two but shortly after...silence. He had crawled into bed and fallen sound asleep. It is completely normal for kids to test limits with you. But they will be less frequent if they understand in advance and know you mean it. Brings me to the final one...

#3 Avoid battles around things that are out of your control.

There are three and they have to do with your child's physical body. Something we have no control over.

1. Eating.

2. Bowel Moments. 

3. Sleeping. 

Trust me you are asking to loose battle that you can't win. Unless you have a magic spell that can force a kid to chew and swallow- then it's out of your control. I could do a whole post on each of those so- I will save your eyes right now. Just trust me on this one- avoid starting battles during these moments. They have the power to win. More to come about these later!

Have a great weekend and go enjoy those kids!

besitos-xo

Teaching your children GRATITUDE through photography.

I just love when I can sit here in silence while BOTH my kids are sleeping. MMMM.... so refreshing to just be alone for a few moments before these two wake up and life gets hustling and bustling again. We all need a little moment right? I can actually hear my thoughts in my head.
Well...I have a thought I have been wanting to share for some time now and that's teaching children how to have a grateful heart.

Want to incorporate gratitude in your child's life? Give them a camera.

Ask them to snap shots of things they are grateful for and see what they come up with. Heck- do it yourself and see what you come up with! If they are too young to really get what gratitude means- tell them to shoot things they love and that make them happy. Most kids can understand that. 

Babbaco has their gratitude boxes you can buy which includes this camera. Little man snapped shots last week...

And I am just DYING to see what is on this camera! With being sick all week we haven't left the house much and I haven't made it to drop off this disposable camera! Sheesh-I forgot what photography was like back in the days when you had to WAIT for your photos! It's so hard!!

Anyhow- we are going to paste his photos in a little mini gratitude journal. So, get a camera and start letting them take some photos. I will show you what we come up with once the photos are back!

besitos 

xo

Finding Center...

Today I heard the doorbell ring. It was Little Man looking up at me with two dandelion seeds in his hands. "Make a wish mom," he whispered as he handed me mine. I smiled. I love that my son loves blowing dandelions just as much as I do. So, that is just what we did. I watched the seeds float away and I treasured that moment. It's moment like these that brings me back to center. Hence the reason I titled this blog, "Weeds to Wishes." 

Life for me is finding those little beautiful moments that come to me ever day and making them outshine those not so beautiful moments that also make it's appearance on a daily basis. 

I truly believe in the importance of taking time out (whatever that looks like for each individual) to get back to center.  I am just not my best mom when I haven't had sufficent sleep, food, family time, alone time or time to just be...in fact if too much distraction and busyness creeps back into my life...I am grouchy. Ask my family. 

It's the reason that I made the decision this summer to stop counseling individual clients. I needed some time out to just focus on being a mom. Not to mention- I just couldn't stand the thought of missing out on moments like this one and it wasn't worth being a grouchy mom over. Is that how I want my little ones to remember me by...a stress case? One day I will get back to work when my kids are older... But for now I have dandelions to blow with my little ones.

Hope your day is full of little moments like this one.

Besitos, XO

Silence, Bath, Art, and Oreos: My Kind of Therapy.

The moment came. 
The moment I have been waiting for.
Fathers and Sons Campout!

After packing some sandwiches and kissing my boys good bye, I shut the door and soaked in the silence.

{Sigh} It felt good.

Now, what to do with myself...

My first reaction was to get to work- clean,  laundry, organize, errands, edit photos- imagine all the things I could accomplish!

WHOA THERE... 
I had a second thought... 

...and I made a mad dash to the tub. 
 I couldn't remember the last time I soaked in a bath- let alone had complete silence!

After a blissful soak, I opened the pantry, grabbed my mint oreo stash and some milk and listened to the silence. 

{Sigh} What better moment than to crack open that new Art Journal I have neglected.

 My theme: "Because the common or mundane daily moments and interactions might seem inconsequential-(but) are perhaps among the most critical and influential in character development and nurturing of family relationships"

I wanted to start the inside of this journal with something really simple and something I truly believe in. This journal will be filled with the mundane daily moments that are truly the most important things in my life.

 My little sister Bee sent me a card in the mail a few weeks ago -just because- with this photo of little man playing with him in the snow. I am so blessed to have a sister like her. Love you sis!

 I saw this phrase in a magazine and smiled- I had to add it to my writing page:

"Mom danced with me."

Often times, it is easy to wonder if the mundane and small things we do every day for our children really matter. Little Man and I had one of our dance session in the kitchen that day... and while we were dancing and giggling, I hoped that he would remember these moments forever.

My night ended with a chick flick and my snoogle pillow.

The dishes were left undone, the laundry sat in the dryer, and my to do list was ignored.

It was a good night. 

I must admit that after writing in my art journal- I missed my little man and the mister like crazy.
I can't wait to see them.

xo, besitos

Do we set our kids up to misbehave?

As parents do we set our kids up to misbehave?

 I would say the answer to that often times is... YES! 

It's like me asking this 18-month-old to pose and smile at the camera and be still. 

Seriously- 18 month-olds are not wired to be still. End of story.

 In fact, that is the busiest time of their life. How could I expect that from him? I literally could not even keep him in my arms for more than a few seconds to get this blurry photo!

But even with any other age- parents overlook what is really going on through the eyes of their child. We want a quick fix and solution to the problem...and fast. We have forgotten what being a child is like and really their emotional needs are really similar to ours.

Two things to remember...

Kids want to feel connected and belonging. (just like us)

and 

Kids need to feel like they have some sense of power and control in their life. (just like us)

If we are constantly choosing, demanding, saying "Don't do that...Get off of there...Eat this..." we just might find a little fighter who feels misunderstood, discouraged, and powerless wanting to demand some attention and control in their life.

How would you behave if that was what you are experiencing?

Two things you can do...

Spend daily one-on-one time with your child being 100% present- no phones, no tv, no distractions. Place all your focus on them. (It's harder than you think)

and

Give them plenty of choices for them to choose from on a daily basis. 

*Also keep in mind HALT- I talked about it in this post HERE. Some reasons children misbehave to keep in mind...Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.

I know I act out with any of these...and so do they.

Next time your child is not doing what you want them to do... take a moment and think of the last time you had one-on-one with them or that you gave them he opportunity to feel in charge.

I have so much more to say about this...but let's leave it at that for now.

besitos, xo

The ipad: a parent's best friend... but am I feeding my child's addiction?

Ahhh the beloved ipad. 

I have such a love-hate relationship with this lovely device. On one hand it has saved me from insanity as I desperately have handed it over to my toddler to avoid meltdown.  But on the other I have began to notice something... The more I was handing it over to keep him entertained- the more I noticed he needed it. He craved it. It was all he could think about. His friends would come over to play and he would ask, "Mom can we play with the ipad?" At first it was cute to see three little boys huddled around an ipad taking turns in playing their favorite games...but when the ipad became more exciting then the great big sandbox we have in our backyard...I began to doubt. I began purposefully leaving it on so the battery would drain..."oh shoot- no more battery." Somehow they always could accept that answer.

It wasn't until one day that I had a deadline that needed to accomplish... and I grabbed  old trusty and found out it was dead...blast- not when I need it! Well, maybe I could have him work on a  puzzle or read a book while I finished up. 

Me: "Hey buddy- mommy has to finish up a project real quick- would you like to read a book or do a puzzle by yourself for a moment."

Him: blank stare.

Me: "Um, wow this book looks fun and it even has buttons you can press to listen to the noises."

Him: blank stare and puzzled expression. "I want you to read it to me."

Me: "Have you ever looked at a book by yourself before?"

Him: shook his head. "No."

At that moment, I realized oh my... my child has never looked through a book by himself before! I have always been there with him. I have never given him the opportunity to entertain himself because I am either doing it or relying on electronics or disney jr. to do it for him.

Something had to change...and I realized then that it had to start with me. 

So... I was brave... I unplugged. 

Our family detoxed for a week without any TV or electronic gaming device. Oh the tears and sadness that occurred when I informed Little Man about missing his favorite tv program despite the fact that I had been talking about it days prior. But a few days later and spending the days outside at the park in the warm weather, going to the zoo and painting, I noticed something... he stopped asking. He was so cheerful... he was creating stories in his head and even entertaining himself without me intervening. I could not believe it. I noticed less meltdowns and irritability. He literally transformed over night. Was it the decrease in screen time or was it that we had even more opportunities to be connected?

I have loved it so much that the TV is still "out of order."

I know there are a few studies like this one on the effects occurring in toddlers and children who spend several hours a day on the ipad. The children are showing signs of addiction and increased behavioral problems... which I think I began to see in my child.

I am not saying ipads and technology are bad. It has provided so much learning and knowledge just at our fingertips...but could there also be problems that we won't know until later. Will this generation of kids be called "the Ipad generation" and have funny little quarks that we didn't realize was correlated to an early introduction to screens. 

As a person who believes strongly that play is so important and a child's way of expressing and learning- I worry. I love to see healthy creative play... but creativity and imagination have to be worked out like a muscle- will those muscles weaken? Will children stop wanting to go outside... interact with one another... pretend?

I don't know yet...but what I do know is that if we use these devices constantly to calm our children or entertain them- they will never learn how to soothe and entertain themselves. 

How did our parents do it? 

I think we will be seeing more studies being done as we understand more the effects of our children's development. For now- I have set some guidelines and boundaries while he is little to make sure those creative and imagination muscles aren't weakened. I will let you know what I have decided to do soon. I am still refining. 

Here is another ABC news article done titled: Toddler obsessed with ipads: Could it hurt their development? 

What are your thoughts? What are your limits with ipads and electronic games?

xo