One year.

One year ago this week, this little guy came to our family.
What a gift.
His happiness is contagious. You can't help but smile when he shows you his HUGE toothy grin.

I am proud to be his mamma.

I don't take these little miracles for granted. I wish I could pause time...but instead, I try to stop and memorize the way his squishy legs feel, the sound of his belly laugh, the smell of his hair when he comes out of the bath, and the way his little fingers still curl and wrap around mine.

This stage won't last forever...
But for now...I will enjoy it.

Now, let's continue celebrating this birthday week with eating frosting and cake.

besitos, xo

Naptime Confession:Mommy is a PERSON.

"Mommy is a person."

This phrase was an Ah Ha moment I had while reading "Motherhood Realized,"  when April Perry was asked by her husband what she needed that week. I first love that question, but I particularly loved what happened next. She responded with, " Well, to survive, I need...." And then he looked at her and said, "April, I don't want you to only survive, I want you to THRIVE." 

Wow...that hit me...why do we as mothers forget that we also have things in our life that make us thrive... things that make us feel alive?

 These things have become a far distant memory as I find myself immersing completely in the trenches with my children day after day. I think that is why I am so spotty in writing on this blog. I love doing it- it makes me feel alive...but sometimes, I don't expect or make room for anything else in my life. Even the simplest things such as painted nails, bubble baths, hobbies, yoga, uninterrupted phone calls, uninterrupted bathroom breaks, solo shopping trips, reading, writing in this blog, and moments of sitting in pure silence all get placed on the back burner...until one day we crack and all our frustrations comes pouring out.

We all have been there.

Seriously... why do we do that to ourselves? We ARE people too you know! 

This phrase, "Mommy is a person," was explained by April to her children at the dinner table one evening. She asked to make sure that before they began that they had all they needed to make it through dinner so she could enjoy eating without having to get up and down... because..."Mommy is a person."

Haha- I laughed when I read that because..

That is so true. 

I am always up and down throughout dinner getting napkins, ice, ketchup- whatever. 

But no way not anymore...

My job description as a mother doesn't need to include: having absolutely zero free time,  dropping whatever I am in the middle of to retrieve something for a child, taking 2 minute showers or frankly no showers at all, skipping going to the gym because it is inconvenient, having children wait outside the door while I go to the bathroom, be the constant entertainment and the constant planner for everyone's schedule but my own, and ignoring those parts of myself that make me thrive as a mother and as a person.  

So today ask yourself...WHAT DO YOU NEED TO THRIVE? 

This story among many others is in the book Motherhood Realized! It is a must read! Don't forget that I am giving away one of these books right now... and it ends tonight- so hurry!

Go to this post to enter!

besitos, xo

Naptime confession: I fight a bully.

A few years ago, I was walking down the street in New York City and came upon this...one of my favorite all time images.

"We can do it." 

I constantly remind myself of this. 

Like the time I ran a marathon with little to no training. I had never ran more than 5 miles prior to running that day. I told myself...I can do it.

Like the time I pulled all-nighters after all-nighters studying for my licenser exam... and passed!  I can do it.

 Like the time I gave birth. Twice. Enough said. I can do it.

Like the time I pulled myself out of bed to feed my newborn with 104 degree temperature and the flu. I can do it. 

Like the time I carried both kids and a bag of groceries through the front door while I was consoling a friend on the phone. I can do it.

Like the time I managed to complete all the laundry in one day- folded and put away. I can do it.

Like the time I spoke at a seminar in front of hundreds of people. I can do it.

Like the times I got out of bed even when I wanted to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. I can do it.

I am not going to say I don't have moments where that bully voice in my head gets the best of me and I wonder what in the world am I thinking... why even bother... might as well give up.  

Oh yah bully... 

I push up my sleeves, put my game face on, and flex my muscles. 

Oh. Yes. I. Can. Do. It.

Watch me.

I refuse to listen to that inner bully.

And so should you.

Besitos, xo

Naptime Confession: Letting go...I hired someone to clean my house.

Confession...  

I am addicted.

Okay so that is not the confession I am here to share. But I do love this stuff. Right now I am sitting at my computer after a beautiful day with a jar of cookie butter and a spoon. I really need to get my own jar and label it because I think I am going to go for only one dip...but shortly after putting it back in the pantry...I sneak it out and... double dip. Shhhhh....that is an additional confession... But I must celebrate a fabulous day of accomplishments. The kids are sound asleep. The house is quiet. And the house is CLEAN. I don't have any additional house cleaning hanging over my head. It is COMPLETE.
That is right...I have plenty of time to just be here right now eating my cookie butter with you.

My secret?
After months (okay maybe years) of talking about it...

I hired someone...to clean my house.

Why has it taken me this long to finally call and get help? I mean let's be honest, I hate to clean. Okay I don't really HATE it...but I would rather be doing pretty much ANYTHING else- minor surgery included. I mean why is that I have this idea in my mind that in order to be a "good mom" I need to be Martha and have a spotless house, with three warm meals, and a million pinterest-worthy activities for the kids to engage in on a daily basis. AHHHHHH. How?

The funny part is that when my new cleaning friends were here, I kept hearing myself apologizing for the filth and even found myself cleaning along side with them. Ugh... finally after several hours of apologies and toilet scrubbing- I told myself to stop. Just stop. Let go. Remember be okay with okay. So, I let go and took my little ones to the park...and didn't think about anything else but being there in the moment with them. PERRRFECTION!

Is it weird that I was teary eyed when I hugged and thanked them sincerely from the bottom of my heart...I was overwhelmed with complete gratitude. These two women came into my filthy home and gave me such a wonderful gift. Time. Time with my kids. Time to be a mother and a wife who can completely be in the moment. And that my friends is worth every penny. I just may have to cut the budget in different areas...but I will figure that out. This for me is priceless.

I just realized a weed that I kept telling myself...that I am only a "good mom" if I keep a perfectly clean house. I am here to tell you that I don't believe that any more. I am a great mom... because I. try. my. best...end of story.
And so are you.

What stories do you keep telling yourself about not measuring up?

Now, I am planning my day with my kids... no cleaning needs to be done...what should we do? Art? Zoo? Museum? Park? I can not wait to spend the day 100% in the moment with these munchkins. 

besitos, xo

Mindful Living: Patience.

Another day of just thoughts. Did you know today is national nap day? That should justify my reasoning for skipping the gym and crawling back into bed on this rainy Monday morning right?

But somehow I still find myself with the million "to dos" that come with a Monday... but first- I just thought I would come and write out some thoughts. My friend and fellow How Does She writer Caley created this printable and posted it on her blog here.

Isn't that so true? 

Sometimes I get impatient in what I am wanting to happen that I find myself not enjoying the moment or stage I am in. I think if only I can get from A to B then I will have all the answers and happiness and joy in the world.

Not really so.

Over the weekend, I read this blog post from my sis B.  She to me is an amazing example of patiently waiting. Her path to motherhood has been a long and bumpy road full of doctor visits, hormone injections, more doctor visits, and hurdles... I mean lots of hurdles. She has had to pray for miracles, exercise her faith and.... wait. patiently... and she continues to wait.

Oh what an example she is to me. I read this post and wept. At times I feel guilty that I have two beautiful healthy children when so many are praying for at least one. I know that this guilt is placed there by me and no one else...but it just doesn't seem fair. 

Something she has taught me is that living in the moment and enjoying the now is vital to happiness. No one can MAKE you happy but yourself. Not kids, not a spouse, not a job...nothing... but YOU. One can't always be longing for what they don't have or what may be without neglecting the current moment and she is always reminding me of that.

 As with the title of my blog: You can either choose to see a field full of dandelion weeds or instead embrace it and choose to see them  as wishes and endless possibilities. Way easier said than done... but I am on a mission to strive for those wishes.

I am trying to be constant in my writing...I am going to try my best to get a few thoughts down daily. I hope to write on topics such as:

Celebrating Womenhood

Motherhood/parenting

Mindfulness

Marriage and Relationships

Art Journaling

Music and Movement

Activities for Children

Personal Confessions

I want to expand and in the future provide ebooks and ecourses...But I need your help in letting me know what you like to read or what you want to see  more of. You can help by either leaving a comment or marking one of the boxes below any of the posts to tell me if it struck any cords with you! I want this to be a place where you can shed the guilt we women like to carry around and feel inspired and empowered.

That's all... A nap doesn't sound too bad right now! ;)

besitos, xo

Stuck in my head.

I sit at the computer trying to type. Seems so much lately just stays STUCK in my mind. There is so much I want to share with the world but I sit at the computer and nothing wants to come out. So many thoughts, ideas, emotions...but yet I feel stuck. stuck. STUCK!! 

Today, I am not going to think so much. I do way too much of that. I am going to just speak from the heart.... whatever the heart wants to share. No plans... I am sick of planning...I have always been a planner.

I was 13 when I decided I wanted to work as some sort of psycho-therapist helping others on their path. 13! I knew my purpose and was so confident in who I was at 13- or at least I thought I was. I wanted to help couples, women, and marriages. I wanted to help families bond and grow together. I wanted to help women reach their full potential. I wanted to inspired others to be happy. I was a dreamer and a planner. By the age 30... I was going to be SUCCESSFUL!

This is photo was taken on my 30th birthday.

But what is success anyhow?

My plan went something like this in my head:

Age 21: Graduate with my undergrad. 

Age 23: Receive my PHD in child psychology. 

Age 24: Conduct several published studies and journal articles.

Age 26: Write my first book.  

Age 28: Create a well renowned Therapeutic Preschool for kids and their parents

Age 29: Date a guy seriously

Age 30: Get hitched....down the road have babies.

My heart had other plans:

Age 21: Married my best friend and graduated undergrad. 

Age 23: Move to Scottsdale and nannied while my husband went to graduate school. 

Age 24: Moved to Boise and started my graduate school program in Marriage and Family Counseling. 

Age 26: Graduated with my Masters and was pregnant with my first child. 

Age 28: Opened a small private practice: Live Inspired Counseling

Age 29: Pregnant again but miscarried after 12 weeks of pregnancy. 

Age 30: Had my second child and turned 31 five days later 

 

Honestly, I look at both of these lists and am grateful for my path. Just because I chose another focus doesn't make my worth as a person any less. I got an email from my little sister who is working towards her bachelors in Biology. She was expressing to me about her true feelings about her career path options. She was worried that her true passion wasn't "prestigious" enough. 

Today I tell you sister and to women all around- Follow what is in your heart and you will never have any regrets. Learn to TRUST your inner voice. As women we have lots of voices- But focus on the voice that tells you that your worth is NOT dependent on how YOU measure success. You are ALWAYS of worth.

At age 30 my path was different than once planned. Am I still successful? Well that depends on how I measure success. Am I happy? 

Absolutely. Maybe even MORE so.

Then yes. That is how I choose to measure my success. 

The sun is shining. Birds are chirping- I have to go out and play... Much much more to come...this is just the beginning....I think I just may have unstuck myself...

besitos, xo

Sometimes you gotta just dance

I don't know what it is...but I am just in a funk lately. I think my grandma's sudden death has really caused much shock and sorrow that I have felt paralyzed... or like creatively stuck. I guess I feel like I shouldn't be so affected by this loss- there are many beautiful things I can think that are positives...but somehow, I can't get that day at the hospital out of my head. It feels truly like a dream. Today my sister and I were talking on the phone and we had a question in mind- and I caught myself thinking, "Well I can just call grandma and ask her." And then I realized- no wait. I can't.

 I have been wanting to write about the experience of seeing my grandma pass for sometime now but haven't had an opportunity to really do so and perhaps that is where part of my stuckness is. Maybe that can clear the creative block.

But I am back. March is now here.

I have a good feeling about this month. I hope to be out of the funk and back to normal again...and nothing like a little dancing to lift up my spirits. Dancing dressed like Leprechauns may I add.

I am over at How Does She- sharing a song that I just think you may like! (here)

xo,

Elf on the Shelf: Cute or Creepy?

I can't decide which.

Before I knew about the very popular Elf on the Shelf (I wish I came up with that genious million dollar idea)  we used to have this cute little Elf named Peep that I got here.  But this year  "Elfie" (my son is very original when it comes to naming) came into our lives complete with the book and DVD as a gift and I was excited to see what he thought! 

It's funny because I promised myself when I had kids that I wouldn't use Santa or elves to threaten them to be "good." It just doesn't sit well with me for some reason to say to my child, "Santa is watching you so you better be good." What does "good" mean anyway? Aren't all kids "Good?" If there is a good... there must be a bad? And what does a kid have to do to be "bad" and make it on the naughty list? I never quite knew what that meant as a kid- come to think of it I never knew a kid to get coal in his stocking?

 Yet as much I as I tried bringing this Elf in to our home as just a fun tradition to have- I still  found myself saying, "sure hope the elf isn't watching" or even worse, "I bet that the elf feels sad when you behave this way."

cringe.

It goes against how I felt but I still  resorted to threatening and using guilt to manipulate my child... which by the way didn't even seem to make a difference in his tantrum episode- in fact I think it made it worse!

Don't get me wrong- I LOVE Christmas and I LOVE traditions like the elf- but I want to reframe the use of these  little guys and have been thinking of how I could tweak this tradition into something that promoted a grateful heart instead of the entitlement that this season can bring to our kiddos. 

And then I came across this post from The Imagination Tree about starting a tradition of "Kindness Elves" who come into the home and teach kindness and ways to serve one another.

LOVE that idea!


It has my wheels in my head turning and I am coming up with my own variation that I will share with you! For now go check out her Facebook page if you haven't already and see these little Kindness Elves in action!

besitos, xo

3 Secrets every parent should know about power struggles.

One thing is for sure I am consistent. 

If I say I am going to do something- I will so it. Okay that's a lie... I just thought about all the failed workout programs and diets I say I'll stick with... BUT when pertaining to consequences that I give my kids....let me tell you- if I say it- I do it. 

One thing that has made following through easier are three simple secrets that I think that every parent should know about fighting battles.

#1 Avoid threatening your child with things you KNOW you won't follow through with. 

If you aren't really willing to take something away- DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT. I can't tell you how many times I have regretted saying something and knowing I would have to follow through with what I said. I once overheard a mother say to her daughter, "If you don't behave we are canceling the trip to Disney Land!" Really? Do you think she would really cancel plane tickets, hotel rooms and the chance to take her family to the happiest place on earth? Don't say it!  Plus how in the world do you measure "BEHAVE?" That is way to vague. Which brings me to #2.

#2 Use very clear and specific language that empowers the child to CHOOSE.

If you set CLEAR expectations on what the child is to do and what will happen if they do or don't follow through- chances are they will finally figure out that listening gets them what they want. Plus they learn to think and choose for themselves. It places responsibility on them and not you. 

Let me give you perfect example...it happened yesterday. I was just about to put Baby Bean to sleep when Little Man burst into the room when he was supposed to be getting ready for a popsicle break before nap. Let me say that he knows I enjoy feeding and putting Little Bean to sleep alone in peace. It's my moment to be alone with just him. The conversation went something like this:

 "If YOU CHOOSE to walk in his room and disturb your baby brother again- then YOU CHOOSE to miss out on the popsicle we were going to have. If YOU CHOOSE stay outside the door then YOU CHOOSE to have your popsicle. What do YOU CHOOSE?"

What do you think happened? 

He walked in the room (pretty much in tears because he knew what I was going to say) and sure enough woke up his baby brother who was just about to fall asleep for his nap. So then I said in a calm and matter a fact voice (although- I was feeling mega frustrated), "Shoot- the minute YOU CHOSE to walk through that door was the very minute YOU CHOSE to not have that popsicle." 

Burst of tears... followed by more crying... followed by begging and pleading for me to change my mind....

As tempting as it was to just make the horrid whiny drama stop- I held my ground. I said it and I had to follow through. Now what would have happened if I would have said,  "Okay just don't do it next time." I would have ruined my credibility. 

So this is what happened next. I knew that it was obviously nap-time and that I really needed a mommy moment to pull it together after his crying episode- so I acknowledged his feelings of being sad and told him that I am totally okay with him crying if he wants to but that it was now rest time for both kids and he needed to be in his room. He didn't have to sleep but he needed to be in his room until the music was over (lullaby music playing).  

These were the exact words I used.

"If YOU CHOOSE to walk out of your room before the music is over, YOU CHOOSE to miss out on another popsicle. If YOU CHOOSE to stay in your room while the music plays, YOU CHOOSE to have a popsicle tomorrow."

He cried for a minute or two but shortly after...silence. He had crawled into bed and fallen sound asleep. It is completely normal for kids to test limits with you. But they will be less frequent if they understand in advance and know you mean it. Brings me to the final one...

#3 Avoid battles around things that are out of your control.

There are three and they have to do with your child's physical body. Something we have no control over.

1. Eating.

2. Bowel Moments. 

3. Sleeping. 

Trust me you are asking to loose battle that you can't win. Unless you have a magic spell that can force a kid to chew and swallow- then it's out of your control. I could do a whole post on each of those so- I will save your eyes right now. Just trust me on this one- avoid starting battles during these moments. They have the power to win. More to come about these later!

Have a great weekend and go enjoy those kids!

besitos-xo

Sick Day...5

{Photo^ originally shot for this post I wrote for HowDoesShe.com. It's a must read!}

We are on sick day number 5 over here...is that normal? Now seems like Little man is starting to feel better just in time for me to get the bug- I am sure it's only a matter of time before The Mister gets its too. Yep I knew those snuggles with sick kids may end up like this but- what is a girl to do when your little boy's limp body is  tempting you to snuggle away? 

I admit it- my boys milk sick days. Doesn't every boy (insert husband or boyfriend)? They. can't. seem. to. lift. their. own. straw. to. their. mouth. I mean that's normal right? Little man will call me from another room so that I can help him drink or wipe his nose when everything he needs is just right there in front of him! Okay so I probably do some over-nurturing but I just feel so bad... Wish I could take on their sickness so they didn't have to feel that way. Oh wait I did take it on... but only after they were feeling a bit better. Hmmm well- then who takes care of mommy?

(Crickets chirping)

 

Exactly.

 We suck it up and pound those vitamin Cs from Costco. Don't you love those? Then we face the aches... then battle with...full. blown. chills. 

That's where I am at.

It's amazing how being sick makes me all of a sudden hyper aware of my body. I can't help but just feel. 

 I become very aware of the bland taste of food in my mouth as is it then painfully slides down my throat making the swallowing sound followed by a painful expression.  I become aware of the soft fluffy fabric that hugs my feet. I love socks! I am aware of the toasty pjs against my skin for I put them on immediately from the dryer. Mmmm... Feels so warm. Then 10 minutes later regretting it because I am burning up and everything to the touch feels icy cold!

  

Anyhow... You get the picture. Ouch I just yawned... Painful! 

 I challenge you to be a little more aware of your body today while you aren't sick! And if you are having a sick day too-wishing you health and happiness from my bed to yours!

besitos, xo

Solution to the Chatter in my Mind.

My solution to the chatter in my head... Dance Partaaay.


Does anyone else experience a lot of chatter in their head.  I mean I am always thinking...creating lists- on paper or in my brain...daydreaming about my future... planning what I need to get done, who I need to call back, what needs to be picked up from the store, how can I be the best mom, what activities should I prepare...Blah Blah Blah...I fight it on a regular basis. I am such a dreamer. I have been dreaming about what I wanted to do with my life since I was in 6th grade. And it still continues!

But one thing I found helps get me out of my head is to crank up some tunes and have a dance party. Right now Little Man is into "Roar" by Katy Perry and frankly- I don't blame him. It's a great anthem.

  So, if things get a little too serious and your mind is chatting away... have a dance party.
Problem solved.

 And wow does Little Man know how to move. This photo above is at a wedding this summer where he had just finished a sweet dance move. I need to get this kid in breakdancing- he really loves to dance. Just like his mama... 

besitos, xo

It's moments like this...

...that I feel alive. 

besitos, xo

Being OKAY with just okay

I have had such a desire to write in here lately.

I can't tell you how often I have thoughts come to mind and I think- "Wow I would just love to write this all down in a post!"

 But the time passes me by and I wait for just the right time and just the right words and *POOF* my inspiration and desire to share just seems to just go away.

I know I know-What do you expect…I am busy mom chasing kids and cleaning up after messes. Who really has the time anyway?

But the itch still keeps coming back to me.

Is it inspiration? Or am I just in need of a venting session...

 I don't know.

 Maybe it's my therapy.

Ever since I have taken a break from counseling to stay home with my kids- I can't help but feel there is something out there that I need to do to share and connect with others in some way. But yet I find myself reluctant to share my thoughts because I don't have everything set up perfectly on my page the way I want or for fear of offending someone with my beliefs. But lately I have felt the need to share. Share something.

To be bold.

I have decided it is time just to write. Get it out. Perfect or not perfect I just need to put my thoughts out there when I feel inspired to do so. 

I am one of those people who has a difficult time being okay with just okay. It's something I fight on a daily basis. When I do something- I put my whole heart into it. My house is either completely organized and clean or a complete disaster. (today it's a mess) Why is it that it just can't seem to find a happy middle? A comfortable middle?

Neither immaculate or disaster. I need to be okay with just okay. I have little people depending on me and that is where my heart is right now.

  

But I can't help but feel like I need to share even if it is not exactly the 110% I would normally put into something. I have decided to just keep plugging away with posts that come to my mind- despite them being delivered perfectly the way I want. Or despite them reaching a mass amount of people.

This is not a blog full of cute DIYs, fashion advice, or photographs showing you a life of my cutely dressed kids and a put together mother. I don't have sponsors or am looking to make money off my blog. As much as I admire and dream about doing those things one day and on occasion may share some of them-the truth is...I am writing you on my phone in my pjs adorned with spots of spit up as I rock my baby in my arms. This is  my life right now. And I am okay with that. No I am more than just okay with that...I LOVE it.  I know my limitations and that my heart is not easily divided...and it is a wonderful blessing really. 

As my little one drifts off to sleep, I cant help but express how I love this kid more than words can describe... I love being his mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I want my kids to know what I stand for. I want my kids to know how I feel about being their mother. I want to share light with those who at times may find darkness in their world. I want to take a stand for  womanhood and motherhood. I want to share my thoughts even if it is not very popular by many.

So here I am. Just little old me.

I am ready to share. I am ready to be okay with just okay.

 I think I hear another monthly challenge coming on. 

Besitos. Xo

Weeds and Wishes of this Summer.

I haven't been around lately... 

obviously

The past several months have been filled with much joy and much sorrow. 

Wishes and Weeds right? Life is full of both.

The Wishes: birth of my baby boy, spending time with family in california for a wedding, watching my sister get married, spending carefree summer days outside, saying goodbye to my job .

The Weeds: Loosing my darling niece Ivory who was born three months early, knowing that my brother and sister-in-law had to experience such a loss, having to say goodbye to my family after spending several weeks together, dropping Little Man off to his first day of preschool, saying goodbye to my job.

For some reason I haven't been able to bring myself to the computer to write. I can't decide if I am just not feeling inspired-

or just tired. 

(What mom is not tired?)

No-I think I just would rather be snuggling my babies.

So I think I will.

besitos,

P.S. I noticed I have a lot of inquires about my visual schedule and chore charts printables- I will get back to you as soon as possible. If you don't hear from me- email me. (again)

Put your feet up...Happy Mother's Day.

I recently heard two women having a conversation about how they hate Mother's Day. It's not the first time I have heard that. 

Their reason- "mother's guilt." To them it was a day of feeling guilty for all the things they didn't feel like they measured up to.

I mean... really?

I know mom guilt can exist....but only if you let it be there. Let's stop comparing ourselves to others and be proud of the title we have been blessed with. 

 So instead of dreading the day... 

Put your feet up.

Let those who love and appreciate you- serve you.

You deserve it. 

Here is the sweetest little video that my sister-in-law Darlene did for this post on Howdoesshe.com! My belly just make a debut so be on the lookout. 

You can find more Darlene's work here.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who make an impact on the life of children every day in some way, shape, or form.

The other day I saw an older man at a restaurant sit down and help a mother of  newborn twins feed a bottle to one of the babies. I over heard him telling her how amazing mothers were.

He is right. I wish every mom could just see that.

besitos, 

xo

Awake to think...Refocus.

Have you ever laid awake just thinking? 

Thinking of the day before, the next day, what it will be like to have two little responsibilities instead of one, what preschool is a good fit for little man, should I even put him a preschool, trying to solve all the world's problems....blah blah blah. It's like my mind kicks into overload and doesn't shut off. 

Lately, I am awakened to an early morning pregnancy bathroom trip. I hop back in bed...(well not really hop but more like waddle over and plop) and my stomach rumbles with hunger. I try to ignore it. But then the mind begins to dream up what it would be like to be biting into Toll House Pie- (one of my favorites from a The Dodo in Salt Lake)...mmmmm... I almost get out of bed to bake myself one. 

Self- control Cristi....pull it together. Instead,  I grab a banana and some trail-mix. Sad face.

With an already over-analyzing mind- I find myself at 4:00 in the morning and wide awake.  50 minutes later after multiple failed attempts to force myself to sleep- I give in.

So here I am.

With nothing but the sound of quiet. Just a humming of my computer, typing sounds of the keyboard, sound of the heater, and cars passing by on a distant highway is all I hear. I have to admit. It is nice. 

As a mother you are never alone. Even when you are physically alone. Your mind always has a spot reserved for your child. It seems like the mother brain doesn't have a power off switch...well at least completely. Even as I write this- I keep thinking I hear little footsteps coming towards me- like it is only a matter of time before he knows I am awake and we start our day. 

I have been teaching a few different parenting classes in the community and finished up a series this week with a group of women. I think I love teaching groups so much because of all the strength that women give to one another and the strength I get from observing and listening to their stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, they have an unspoken understanding of one another- and understand the  struggles and joys that come with the title of being a Mother. But the need for personal alone time and space comes up 100% of the time. As women, we are really bad about taking the time to do that. Moments of stillness and pure solitude are way too far and between. 

I think I can count on one hand the naps I have taken during the 7 months of pregnancy. I mean this should be my guilt free moment to do so right? Why don't I do it then?

Deadlines.

I seem to always have some pressing deadline hanging over my head. I've decided this morning as I am procrastinating working on a deadline that it's time to REFOCUS and cut off the things in my life that prevent me from doing the things I truly want to be doing... like writing more in this blog for example.  So, with the few projects that I am wrapping up in the next few months- my goal is to be 100% done with the session shooting portion of my photography business before the baby is here and then not taking anything else on. Even if it is saying no...which is a weakness of mine.  

Then just maybe I can go back to the photos of my family vacations that I took over 6 years ago and actually finish editing them. Then just maybe even create some albums from the tens of thousands of photos that I have on my computer.

So, I have about 7 weeks to tie up loose ends...

 But for now, I am off to edit and finish up some photography deadlines.

That is if Little Man isn't awake...I swear he has a radar for when I am up early.

Are there things in your life that you feel need to be taken off your plate?

besitos, xo

Dress the Bump and Flashback Friday

I am over here at How Does She today giving some tips on Dressing a baby bump.

Well, hello little human baby... I love feeling your kicks every day.

Little Man always wants to help take the photos for my posts. Why is he so cute?

When we are done we have a dance party.

Life is good.

But despite the joy of reaching this milestone in my pregnancy, this week has been a mixed set of emotions for me. 

Flashback Friday...It was about this time last year when I was starting to feel the healing process of joy again from having a miscarriage. The birds were chirping and the trees were blossoming. Then what 6 months later and what seemed like an eternity we were blessed to be pregnant again. I look back on that period of time and am grateful for the growth that came from that experience but wow- I didn't know how much a heart could hurt.   

This week I have shed many tears with a loved one of mine has been waiting a very long time to receive her blessing of having a child and was blessed with the opportunity. But at her second doctor's appointment found out there wasn't a heartbeat.


My heart aches for the loss and I shed tears knowing the extreme unbearable pain that she is feeling- right about the same time of the year last year when I was experiencing such sorrow. Oh how it can be so difficult to not go to a place of bitterness and anger where you wonder why her. In my eyes she seems to be the most prepared and perfect person to become a mother. Knowing that the Lord places such adversity and trials in our lives for our own good... what else could she possibly learn.

Time will tell.

There is a fabulous talk by Elder Scott Titled: Trust in The Lord

"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."

 

"I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path pockets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way."
 

Sending you pockets of sunshine today.
besitos, xo

Imagination to distraction in a matter of seconds...

Sometimes I look at my Little Man and wish I could just bottle him up and keep him at this age. 

Unfortunately, this moment of playful imagination gets interrupted when he finds my phone.  

Lately, I have been reflecting on this generation my son is now a part of. Where so much information and innovation is just a swipe or click of a button. My son will never know of a world without flat-screens,  ipads, and iphones. He will never know of a life without the term "social media" or " ipad app."  

Isn't that just amazing? 

What type of adults will come from this generation? Our children are essentially the guinea pigs for whether or not there are lifelong effects- should I be worried?

I understand all the wonderful things technology brings...but can there be a negative affect that we won't realize until it's too late?

Do you know what I worry about the most... 

That this generation will have the inability to connect with people face to face. That they will have such a habit of being stimulated by an external device that they may loose their imaginations, their creativity, their ability to sit still and be fully present.  

What to do...what to do.

I am still continuing with this monthly Challenge to Disconnect because I still have it on the brain... More about this subject...

besitos, 

xo

Watch out...There's some Nesting Going up in Here.

About two years ago I came upon this cute little egg... so I took a picture of it. I have a weird thing for nests and eggs...and was excited!

Then out of nowhere came this mom bird...she puffed up her chest and stared me down...I took this one measly photo...and backed away slowly.

For the next few days I watched this mama bird sit on the roof of the neighbors house keeping watch over her little one. She would stare down anyone who dared to come close.

Lately, I can relate to this mama bird.
 Pregnancy brings out the protective and dare I say- ornery side of me. I apologize in advance in you ever have to witness it.

But this past week my mama bird has been paired with the intense desire to NEST!

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am starting to realize that I only have a few months before I am a mother of TWO but my mind is constantly racing with ideas on all the things that need organizing, fixing, rearranging, etc.
It doesn't turn off.
I wake up in the middle of the night planning.... planning for when he will be here...what will it be like...what do I need to have ready...etc. And the inability to not be able to just get up right then and start moving furniture around kills me!

Not to mention, the lack of sleep mingled with my racing brain has totally affected my mom factor the last few days... I feel unavailable, preoccupied, impatient, and really just plain grouchy. And apparently it has been rubbing off on Little Man because he seems to be feeling extra emotional, needy, and impatient as well. Or does it just seem that way because I feel less patient? It's like I am in a hurry to be somewhere... but where? It's as though I have to have it all together and life figured out by June...how do I stop? As much as this instinct is a blessing it makes it so difficult to enjoy the moment. I am always thinking about what has to get done for the future- how can I get back to being in the moment?

Well I think I found the cure...I wrote the above paragraph yesterday during nap-time... and since then I had my little man up in the middle of the night with severe growing pains- so bad in fact that he even threw up from the pain. It was then that the burdens that I had placed on myself were lifted and I could just focus on enjoying the moment of spending the night cuddling my baby or actually my not-so-baby boy.

Hopefully, this feeling stays around.
besitos, xo

Flashback Friday...How to turn a 20 minute task into a 4 hour one.

For the past few weeks I have been teaching a parenting curriculum called Child Parent Relationship Training (otherwise known as Filial Therapy) that I will tell you more about soon- and it has been so much fun to listen to these moms who have such different situations in their lives but can relate to one another with the pure experience in itself of being a mom. I am just always so amazed at how fabulous mothers are. We really have such an important job that we do every day while we juggle everything else we have going on! It's amazing. 

So, in honor of the crazy lifestyle of a mom- my Flashback Friday I reflect on this feeling I had (here ) of being a new mom for  just under 8 weeks and adapting to the new life of a mother and trying to meet his needs while doing a simple task that used to just take 20 minutes tops!

Note to self: You can not start and stop the process of rice crispee treats... hardened marshmallow equals impossibleness to cut and clean up.

Date: April 14th, 2010 

  

So, I was in charge of our combined Young Woman and Young Men's activity last week and thought I would make an easy treat for about 50 youth...so, what is more simple than a little Rice Crispee Treat right? A little butter, some marshmallows, and rice crispees thrown together and VUALA- Pure yumminess!  No problem...20 minutes max right? How about almost 4 HOURS!!! This is how my day went:

12:10 pm- With Little Man sleeping in his crib, I ventured into the kitchen and went to work taking out the ingredients and warming up the butter and marshmallow mixture. 

12:20- I was in the middle of mixing the warm marshmallows and butter mixture when I heard Little Man begin to cry.... Being a new mom that shutters to the sound of her baby crying- I stopped mid stir and ran to his rescue. 

12:50- With a full belly, Nixon rested in my arms not wanting to be put down while I re-heated the mixture and began to stir...this time it being almost impossible with one hand- quite the arm workout! One handed, I tipped the rice crispee cereal in the mixture and tried stirring it in a bowl only to realize my bowl was too small and it came pouring over the bowl and all onto the counter top. Oops!

1:00- with the bowl overflowing of sticky marshmallows mess and rice crispees spread all across the counter, I grabbed another bowl with my sticky marshmallow hand and attempted to transfer the now hardened mixture into a larger one to finish stirring and then transfered it again to a glass dish...not an easy task for the one handed.

1:15- With one batch finished, I starting the process over (one handed)... lets just say it was nearly impossible yet a humorous balancing act.

1:20- Fed-ex man at the door- my hands covered in marshmallow goo and literally stuck to the wooden spoon...I opted to ignore it. 

1:45-  Nixon is hungry AGAIN...time to feed.

2:20- Continued where I left off now with Nixon now in a sling. 

2:45- Phone rings and I run to get it stepping on melted marshmallow goo that had fallen onto the floor. I then scramble to rinse my foot off in the sink to only run over it again while running to the phone.  I missed the phone call.

3:15- Tried cutting treats with a heart cut out... nearly impossible to do. 

3:45- Giving up after cutting out 30 hearts I finished cutting them with a bread knife.

4:00- Finished. Exaughisted. Time to clean up the disaster mess... after taking a few photos of course.

How did a 20 minute recipe turn into a 4 hour mess?

Besitos, XO