3 Secrets every parent should know about power struggles.

One thing is for sure I am consistent. 

If I say I am going to do something- I will so it. Okay that's a lie... I just thought about all the failed workout programs and diets I say I'll stick with... BUT when pertaining to consequences that I give my kids....let me tell you- if I say it- I do it. 

One thing that has made following through easier are three simple secrets that I think that every parent should know about fighting battles.

#1 Avoid threatening your child with things you KNOW you won't follow through with. 

If you aren't really willing to take something away- DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT. I can't tell you how many times I have regretted saying something and knowing I would have to follow through with what I said. I once overheard a mother say to her daughter, "If you don't behave we are canceling the trip to Disney Land!" Really? Do you think she would really cancel plane tickets, hotel rooms and the chance to take her family to the happiest place on earth? Don't say it!  Plus how in the world do you measure "BEHAVE?" That is way to vague. Which brings me to #2.

#2 Use very clear and specific language that empowers the child to CHOOSE.

If you set CLEAR expectations on what the child is to do and what will happen if they do or don't follow through- chances are they will finally figure out that listening gets them what they want. Plus they learn to think and choose for themselves. It places responsibility on them and not you. 

Let me give you perfect example...it happened yesterday. I was just about to put Baby Bean to sleep when Little Man burst into the room when he was supposed to be getting ready for a popsicle break before nap. Let me say that he knows I enjoy feeding and putting Little Bean to sleep alone in peace. It's my moment to be alone with just him. The conversation went something like this:

 "If YOU CHOOSE to walk in his room and disturb your baby brother again- then YOU CHOOSE to miss out on the popsicle we were going to have. If YOU CHOOSE stay outside the door then YOU CHOOSE to have your popsicle. What do YOU CHOOSE?"

What do you think happened? 

He walked in the room (pretty much in tears because he knew what I was going to say) and sure enough woke up his baby brother who was just about to fall asleep for his nap. So then I said in a calm and matter a fact voice (although- I was feeling mega frustrated), "Shoot- the minute YOU CHOSE to walk through that door was the very minute YOU CHOSE to not have that popsicle." 

Burst of tears... followed by more crying... followed by begging and pleading for me to change my mind....

As tempting as it was to just make the horrid whiny drama stop- I held my ground. I said it and I had to follow through. Now what would have happened if I would have said,  "Okay just don't do it next time." I would have ruined my credibility. 

So this is what happened next. I knew that it was obviously nap-time and that I really needed a mommy moment to pull it together after his crying episode- so I acknowledged his feelings of being sad and told him that I am totally okay with him crying if he wants to but that it was now rest time for both kids and he needed to be in his room. He didn't have to sleep but he needed to be in his room until the music was over (lullaby music playing).  

These were the exact words I used.

"If YOU CHOOSE to walk out of your room before the music is over, YOU CHOOSE to miss out on another popsicle. If YOU CHOOSE to stay in your room while the music plays, YOU CHOOSE to have a popsicle tomorrow."

He cried for a minute or two but shortly after...silence. He had crawled into bed and fallen sound asleep. It is completely normal for kids to test limits with you. But they will be less frequent if they understand in advance and know you mean it. Brings me to the final one...

#3 Avoid battles around things that are out of your control.

There are three and they have to do with your child's physical body. Something we have no control over.

1. Eating.

2. Bowel Moments. 

3. Sleeping. 

Trust me you are asking to loose battle that you can't win. Unless you have a magic spell that can force a kid to chew and swallow- then it's out of your control. I could do a whole post on each of those so- I will save your eyes right now. Just trust me on this one- avoid starting battles during these moments. They have the power to win. More to come about these later!

Have a great weekend and go enjoy those kids!

besitos-xo

What an Elephant Taught me about Motherhood.

Ever since we went to Thailand, I obsessed with elephants. They are so remarkable. Did you know that scientists have found that elephants are capable of complex thought and feelings such as love, grief, and joy? 

I am especially fascinated by mother elephants. 
 Did you now that Elephants live in Matriarchal families made up of other female and calves and are headed by the oldest mother?  A mother Elephant is pregnant for 22 months! Yikes 22 months!! Mother and child remain in constant touch with one another for many years as the baby still suckles milk until 4 or 5 years old or until the tusks become a problem! If a calf strays too far from his mother- she will retrieve him and keep him close. She is often found hugging and wrapping her trunk around her little one, carrying him over obstacles, bathing and gently scrubbing her calf, dusting him with dirt, and protecting him from predators or the hot sun. Isn't that so cool? There is a great deal more info on this elephants emotions here if you want to know more. 

Well, while we were in Thailand we got to get up close and personal with the fascinating creatures. 

 Please note that Little Man sorta froze during his first encounter with the elephant... 

But he got a lot more comfortable as time went on and loved feeding them sugar cane and bananas!

Going to our local zoo will never compare to this day.    B E S T   D A Y   E V E R !!!

 I have learned a lot from a mother elephant. 

Recently, I have heard several comments from family members about how my son is a "mama's boy" and needs to get over it. I admit, it is true...he is. But is that so bad? 

 He wakes up every morning and crawls into bed with me where he showers me with kisses, hugs, cuddles, and "I love yous" until we are ready to get up. He prefers being with me to most other people... but loves playing with his friends and family members that he has a relationship with. (Many of the comments were from people he doesn't see very often) 

What do you think? 

Is it so awful to have your son actually enjoys to spend time with you and shows affection towards you... okay maybe a lot. But what if it DOESN'T stop him from exploring his world with others and friends. He loves his friends.

My personal and processional opinion? First, I want to hear from you.

In a book I love called: The book of Nurturing by Linda and Richard Eyre- and in one of their chapters they talk about parenting like an elephant's trunk- it has the ability to be firm and set limits yet be gentle and flexible. That is how I want to be as a mother. 

So in summary:

An Elephant taught me:

 Our love needs to be nurturing with hugs and cuddles each day.

Our love has to set clear limits and firm when needed.

Out love must shower them with approval and dust them with confidence regularly. 

We must be protective and alert and warn them loudly and clearly of danger.

Our love should remove barriers in their path and pick them up when they need us to but also let them walk the path under their own power when they are ready.

Our love must be versatile and flexible, seeing children’s needs and willing to be sometimes tough and sometimes tender.

What are your thoughts on having a "mama's boys?"

Besitos,

XO

Goodbye Summer...School is here.

Sadly Summer is saying goodbye to us...school is starting...

How do your kids feel about it? Excited, scared, angry, or sad? Little bit everything?

It is completely normal for kids to have back to school jitters. You may notice they either have a lot more energy and are bouncing off the walls...or they may be isolating and seem more sluggish than usual.

Some signs that your child may be feeling nervous for school:

Belly Aches

Headaches

Short and Shallow Breaths

Grouchiness

Loss of appetite

Restless Sleep

Clinginess

More on this subject real soon.

besitos, 

xo

My Date with our Summer Jars.

It is time for my annual summer list .
You know the list that little man and I must complete before summer is over. We almost completed the list last year!

And this year I have made Summer Jars to help us get started.
I will be showing you how to make these lovelies next Tuesday on How Does She.  So, get excited.

Our Summer list?

Fly a kite

Dandelion blowing

Catching butterflies

Swimming

Sprinklers

Water fight

Camping in the backyard

Making a fort

Blow bubbles

Make sandcastle

Stare at the clouds

Picnic

Go to the Zoo

Go to the art Museum

Finger Paint

Sidewalk chalk

Scavenger Hunt

Bike Ride

Feed the birds

Roast marshmellos

Camping
Fishing

Rolling down a grassy hill

Walk the dog

Hopscotch

Bug catching

Pinterst craft

Paper airplane contest

Plant flowers

Learn to paint something new

Learn to draw something new

Scrapbook

Photo walk

Slip n Slide

Water balloon fight

5 dollars at dollar store
Water Park

Have a Happy unbirthday
Make Homemade Lemonade
Make homemade bread
Photo Walk
Downtown Walk
Farmers Market
Plant something
Italian Sodas
Go on a hike
Botanical Gardens
Ice Cream in Hyde Park
Snow Shack visit
Sew something
Play Horseshoe
Throw a football around
Frisbee
Summer vacation
McCall, ID
Service Project
Bon Fire
Soccer Game
Try a new park


Words from Cristi the Counselor:
 I can't stress enough as a counselor working with children how important it is to continue a routine in the summer. Too often children who seem to do well during the school year struggle in the summer due to a lack of structure and boredom.  I am not saying plan every waking moment- but plan activities that still keep your children challenged, learning, working, creating, playing, and exercising. Not only will they be that more prepared for the next grade but they won't come to you grumbling about being bored.

HowDoesShe.com has some great and FREE printables for a reading activity for your kiddos-  Check it out here- it made me wish Little Man was reading so we could get started on this fun game!

Some ideas to keeping kids engaged in a summer routine are:
-Plan ahead and create a daily schedule (see here for my visual schedule tutorial)
-Have a set time they wake up every morning- same with bedtime.
-Pay to play- work first and then play.
-Don't forget  to schedule special play time
-Hang a sign on your outside doorknob that tells neighborhood kids when your kids are and are not available to play.
-Limit TV time
-Create a Summer Jar (check out Howdoesshe.com tomorrow for tutorial)


Don't let this Summer get away from you!

Seize the day. 

I want to know what's on your Summer list?

Besitos

xo

7 gifts of Valentines....

Sigh. I just LOVE love... therefore, I LOVE Valentines Day.
The 7 day countdown to Valentines begins!

But this year,  Valentine's Day is not only about thinking of that special man in my life but it also means thinking of my little man as well!

Last week at play group, a friend made a comment that has carried over into this week and it was how one of the greatest lessons of unselfishness in this life is that of being a mother. So, true. 

It is difficult to continually be focusing on one owns desires when there is a little toddler who is tugging at you for his need of his "chockit" milk or a bike ride around the block, or even just a snuggle from time to time.

From the moment they arrive in this world, we are essentially their lifeline. They need us to thrive. And there is no walking away from that. 

He is so much a part of me and I am so much a part of him. In fact, young infants don't even know they are separate from their mother for a long time!  We are one.

Therefore, even as I sit down to write in my blog- the thoughts of motherhood come poring into my mind... that's it I have officially turned into a mommy blogger- can you blame me...there is nothing I love more than my little family.

not even oreos.



 What can I do to be a better mother and wife? Every day this week I am going to share one thing I am working on to strive to just be a little better than the day before.
 
Warning: I am on parenting class mode...I have been once again taking another semester of Carleen Tanner's Positive Parenting Class and am constantly feeling inspired- so you may be hearing several thoughts the next few weeks as I am pondering our discussions.

She challenged us this month on making every one of our children feel as though they are our favorite child.

And I loved that idea and I am going to try that with both my husband and little man.

To me, it means individually building a relationship with each one. 

Taking the time to make them feel that they are so important to us- that they are our favorite.

I know I know- easy for me to say since I only have one little one at home. But I want to make this a habit so I can to it with each one of my children one day...

So today's GIFT:
MAKE EVERY ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN FEEL AS THOUGH THEY ARE YOUR FAVORITE.