One year.

One year ago this week, this little guy came to our family.
What a gift.
His happiness is contagious. You can't help but smile when he shows you his HUGE toothy grin.

I am proud to be his mamma.

I don't take these little miracles for granted. I wish I could pause time...but instead, I try to stop and memorize the way his squishy legs feel, the sound of his belly laugh, the smell of his hair when he comes out of the bath, and the way his little fingers still curl and wrap around mine.

This stage won't last forever...
But for now...I will enjoy it.

Now, let's continue celebrating this birthday week with eating frosting and cake.

besitos, xo

Awake to think...Refocus.

Have you ever laid awake just thinking? 

Thinking of the day before, the next day, what it will be like to have two little responsibilities instead of one, what preschool is a good fit for little man, should I even put him a preschool, trying to solve all the world's problems....blah blah blah. It's like my mind kicks into overload and doesn't shut off. 

Lately, I am awakened to an early morning pregnancy bathroom trip. I hop back in bed...(well not really hop but more like waddle over and plop) and my stomach rumbles with hunger. I try to ignore it. But then the mind begins to dream up what it would be like to be biting into Toll House Pie- (one of my favorites from a The Dodo in Salt Lake)...mmmmm... I almost get out of bed to bake myself one. 

Self- control Cristi....pull it together. Instead,  I grab a banana and some trail-mix. Sad face.

With an already over-analyzing mind- I find myself at 4:00 in the morning and wide awake.  50 minutes later after multiple failed attempts to force myself to sleep- I give in.

So here I am.

With nothing but the sound of quiet. Just a humming of my computer, typing sounds of the keyboard, sound of the heater, and cars passing by on a distant highway is all I hear. I have to admit. It is nice. 

As a mother you are never alone. Even when you are physically alone. Your mind always has a spot reserved for your child. It seems like the mother brain doesn't have a power off switch...well at least completely. Even as I write this- I keep thinking I hear little footsteps coming towards me- like it is only a matter of time before he knows I am awake and we start our day. 

I have been teaching a few different parenting classes in the community and finished up a series this week with a group of women. I think I love teaching groups so much because of all the strength that women give to one another and the strength I get from observing and listening to their stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, they have an unspoken understanding of one another- and understand the  struggles and joys that come with the title of being a Mother. But the need for personal alone time and space comes up 100% of the time. As women, we are really bad about taking the time to do that. Moments of stillness and pure solitude are way too far and between. 

I think I can count on one hand the naps I have taken during the 7 months of pregnancy. I mean this should be my guilt free moment to do so right? Why don't I do it then?

Deadlines.

I seem to always have some pressing deadline hanging over my head. I've decided this morning as I am procrastinating working on a deadline that it's time to REFOCUS and cut off the things in my life that prevent me from doing the things I truly want to be doing... like writing more in this blog for example.  So, with the few projects that I am wrapping up in the next few months- my goal is to be 100% done with the session shooting portion of my photography business before the baby is here and then not taking anything else on. Even if it is saying no...which is a weakness of mine.  

Then just maybe I can go back to the photos of my family vacations that I took over 6 years ago and actually finish editing them. Then just maybe even create some albums from the tens of thousands of photos that I have on my computer.

So, I have about 7 weeks to tie up loose ends...

 But for now, I am off to edit and finish up some photography deadlines.

That is if Little Man isn't awake...I swear he has a radar for when I am up early.

Are there things in your life that you feel need to be taken off your plate?

besitos, xo

Something I have always wanted...

Nap-time Confession

One year ago I had a baby growing in my belly.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us.  

Shortly after, I found this fortune in one of my fortune cookies.

Waiting patiently (and sometimes not so patiently)  I held onto to this fortune as a reminder of faith and hope that one day it would happen again.

Today...

I am officially sharing...

There is another baby growing in my belly. 

He is a boy.

I am excited to meet this little guy this June.

Besitos

xo

Flashback Friday..."I Once Thought"

I am one of those people who always has/had multiple passions. I blame it on being a Gemini! Therefore, I have started several blogs in my lifetime with different topics. As any smart person would know- having more than one blog makes it difficult to keep them all up on a regular basis... HOWEVER, I can't seem to push the delete button or let them go! I started in 2005 people... there are memories there!

So my dilemma is: do I keep them or let them go? 

What name do I keep?

(Weeds to Wishes or The Diary of a Dame...?? )

I am trusting that whatever needs to happen will...and for now my focus is here.

With that, I am introducing

 "Flash-back Fridays" 

where I will look back on some of my fondest memories from the past.

Here is one of my favorite entries I wrote on May 19th, 2010 here on what I had learned about being a mother in just 3 months.

Dear Diary,

Little Man is fast asleep and I can’t take my eyes off of him. I listen to the rain and thunder crashing down around us... something about that sound makes me slow down and contemplate life. (after thinking of The Sound of Music song of course) Hmmmm… I wonder… as I stare down at my little babe… how can life look so different today than it once did?

I once thought

I once thought I was fearful… now I am fearless.  

I once thought I had respect for my parents… now I know what it means to honor them.                                    

I once knew I was strong… but now I have discovered an inner strength I never knew I had.

I once thought passing gas was disgusting… now it’s so cute.

I once needed an alarm clock...now my baby sets my schedule.

I once would wonder why parents of a screaming child couldn’t get control of their child… now I empathize with them.

I once thought of showers and makeup as a daily routine…now they are luxuries.

I once thought there was no such thing as love at first sight… now I realized  I can love a complete stranger. 

Those are my thoughts as I lay down to sleep tonight. Good Night.                                                 

                                                                                         

 Love, 

    Cristi Dame

Besitos, 

xo

In Memory...day of silence.

As a mother, a teacher, and a mental health provider... my heart aches. I have some thoughts around this... but today a day silence. 

xo

I'm a Cloth Diaper Addict

My 4 reasons for choosing cloth

#1 SAVES THE PLANET: Did you know that 5 million tons of untreated waste and a total of 2 billion tons of urine feces, plastic and paper are added to landfills each year? It takes around 80,000 pounds of plastic and 200,000 trees a year to manufacture the disposable diapers just for US babies alone! Not to mention that it takes up to 500 years for most diapers to decompose! That’s a lot of poop and plastic! Also, did you know that the fine print on disposable diapers tells you to “Shake baby soil into the toilet.” I mean REALLY…how many of you actually do that? I know I didn’t.

#2 SAVES MONEY:  Did you know that on average a person changes 6,000 diapers from birth to potty training?  It’s no wonder that diapers are a 7 billion dollar industry costing parents at least $2,500 on diapers and wipes on one child. If financial savings is your reason and you are aren’t afraid of a little extra step when diapering- you can cloth diaper for $200! That is a saving of $2,300! The best part is that once you have all the supplies- no need to buy more for the next child! You already have it! Here for a diaper calculator from diaperpin.com

#3 BETTER FOR MY BABY: Did you know that there are concerns that disposable diapers contain is dyes, Sodium Polyacrylate (the gel), and Dioxin ( by-product of bleaching paper)? It is also noted that cloth diapers cause less diaper rashes due to their materials that actually wicks away the moisture from your baby’s bum.

#4 THEY ARE SO CUTE:  I mean really- how could you argue with me on this one. They are just so cute on little bums and the bright colors and patterns make diaper changing more fun for me. After all, I have 6,000 of them to change right? Might as well make it more fun!

So, if you are thinking about the possibility of making the switch- stay tuned because I will be talking more about it this week. Stay tuned for more on how to get started tomorrow on How Does She!

Also, here are some links I found about saving cash with cloth diapers...take a looksie.


Diaper Decision 

Babyworks

Mint

Diaper pin

The New Parent's Guide

The Real Diaper Association

Thirsties site

Coming up next...the Givaway...

besitos,
xo

New Tradition

 I have been reflecting on our family  traditions for the past few weeks and making it a point to get started and to continue with traditions we have started.  

And we have one more to add to our list... this past weekend was General Conference- (a two day conference held twice a year where leaders of our church speak) and I really wanted to make this an exciting and special weekend by having a huge hot breakfast with the works on Saturday and then hot homemade cinnamon rolls on Sunday. I also created a conference bag where Little Man could pick an activity or a treat to do every time he heard the choir sing! He loved it! My heart is so full from the messages that were shared. Next conference will be held in April and I will share photos of our conference feast and bag (since I neglected to take any this year)!

Anyhow, start thinking of traditions you want to incorporate in your family...next month there just may be a challenge around traditions!

I am off- nap-time for little man is almost over!

besitos,
xo

Fill up My Wishing Well.

Nap-time Confession:

I woke up feeling slightly... well lost today.
 For starters...I thought it was Monday- So I am pretending it is...okay?

 Since my miscarriage back in April, I have felt an emptiness that causes my heart to ache every once in awhile...and then it's followed by me trying to shake it off by focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't.
But the pain is still there.

There are moments like today where I feel like I just need some time to grieve again...where the cravings for oreos and ice cream are strong. :)

 As the days become shorter and the evenings begin to cool off, internally I know another season is approaching...

...the season in which my baby would have arrived.

One more season where my dreams and hopes didn't seem to come true.

I knew something strange was up as I spoke to my little sister Bee on the phone today and found myself sobbing as I told her of the experience of taking yet another pregnancy test just to read the dreaded words, "Not Pregnant." I prepared myself for worst case scenario as I usually do and placed it on the counter to come back a few minutes later to find that one line. I gently laid it in the garbage because I knew I would be back a few minutes later to see if it would have magically changed.
 It didn't.
Here is my current WEED:

In my sister's wisdom and very much relating to what I was going through, she reminded me of the different trials that each and everyone of us goes through to be taught the lesson or gain the strength we need at that time. I may not understand it right now in the moment- but I know there is a bright spot in my future. I mean really- I already have many bright spots- I am so blessed.
I am.
Here are some of them during out carnival time this past weekend.

My current WISHES:

For Music Monday (although it is Tuesday) here is a song called Wishing Well my sister recently wrote... about the very idea of wanting something so badly that it hurts. I needed to hear this again today. Thanks Bianca.

I think my little man is up from his nap... Thanks for letting me get that out... now I am going to refocus and spend time with my little bright spot.

besitos

xo

Scattered...

Nap-time Confession right here:

I have been feeling a tad bit scattered lately from the summer traveling and...well from my mind really. It's constantly thinking of great new ideas and posts I want to post but haven't had the time...it seems as though once I put one project down to make more time- I then pick up another project without realizing it!
Story of my life.

  I may have mentioned that {here} once before when I was closing my private practice. I just have so many passions for so many different things...so I start new business, new blogs, new projects...I think I may be a project hoarder. I can never have just ONE of anything... is this an addiction to multiples?
 I am a gemini.

So, the wheels in my head have been turning for sometime now and I have decided to consolidate a little bit more in my life once again and am revamping the front page of this blog to be able to consolidate several other blogs and workshops and projects I will be doing this fall... I'll explain more later... still sorting things out.

Bare with me okay...?

But I thought I would share a little funny moment. Well, to me it was funny...


 I was doing a photo shoot for a post I was writing for How Does She  on fashion in New York City, when all of a sudden I heard a band coming down the sidewalk...
 all wearing I heart NY shirts....

...I froze. 

...then posed...

...Which was a mistake because I almost got trampled. 

Then I was strung along down the sidewalk to a local pub they were all meeting at.

Only in New York.

Pretty sure you had to be there.
More photos of this over {here.}
Besitos xo,

missing you.

I just got back from a fun weekend of visiting family... and I have so many posts I want to share with you... 

but today I feel a little blue... 

my heart feels a little empty without these two... 

I miss my sisters. 

I miss my mom.

Why do we have to live so far apart?

besitos, 

xo

my bottle = snuggles dilemma

bottle or no bottle?

So,  I've been having this internal battle. My son is 16 months and is still IN LOVE with his bottle...I mean IN LOVE. But to be completely honest, I am too. This wonderful object you see above will give me at least 20 minutes of snuggle time with him- where he is completely 100% mine. We wrap ourselves up in a soft blanket and snuggle. Sometimes we read books, or sometimes we just sit in silence while we exchange kisses, interlock our fingers, and I play with his toes or rub his legs (a trick our mama vero taught us). It is my favorite moment of the day. It's a moment where we block out the outside world and life is still ... just us two... in stillness... like it used to be... before he became a toddler. It is a moment where I can breathe him in (and I really do) and enjoy him as the baby he once was. Once that bottle runs out... so does that moment. We turn back into pumpkins... back to busy body toddler mode (which is awesome too- don't get me wrong) where moments of stillness disappear. I guess I don't understand why parents are so proud when their child graduates from bottles? Am I missing something- I love the magic that the bottle brings.


***Note: Let me also add before I go further- that for the most part he drinks plain water out of the bottle (just in case any of you dentist people were freaking out) and if he has milk we give his teeth a good scrub after.


So here is my dilemma... he really doesn't need a bottle to fall asleep anymore but he wants one usually  mid morning or evening prior to nap and bedtime. The mommy side of me says- "Go for it- enjoy him now" and the counselor side of me says "It's time to move on- you may be creating a hard habit to break"- who do I listen to?


Thoughts?


xx-Cristi

A little about me.

My loves:

My husband, my son,  mint oreos, snuggles, date nights, McCall Idaho, baking cookies (it’s really all about the cookie dough), smell of summer, ski hill, sun kissed cheeks, laughing so hard it makes my eyes water, my sisters, trampolines, fresh cut flowers, soft fuzzy socks, photography, sand, the sound of the ocean, pedicures (I don’t get enough of them), my art journal, Bisquick Pancakes, El Guapo (our rescue dog), writing with a sharp pencil, yoga, rain boots, buffalo chicken strips, red balloons, fresh mangoes (spelling with or without an e?) and peaches straight from the tree, the color aqua, smell of sunblock, Cheese Cake Factory, and home made bread and jam (wish I could say that it comes from my kitchen...most likely not though)

Happy Friday!

xx- Cristi