My last two cents...

I have begun to realize that this monthly challenge to unplug (which has been going on for several months) is an on going thing for me and my family..not something that can be accomplished in a matter of a  month or two... or three.  Living in this day and age- it will be a continual thing and adjustment. So, don't freak out if you feel like you are not where you want to be. We are all in the same boat!

But here is one last official post (I am sure there will be more to come on this topic) but first I wanted to turn your attention over to my post at How Does She right here- if you haven't read it already. After unplugging in my home with my family I have learned so many things about myself and my son...that I had to share. And sadly, the photo below is a real photo- not staged of me holding my son, walking across a street and checking my phone.

 I do know that I feel strongly about this topic as a mother and as a counselor. I am really noticing an impact on children and teens that I have worked with and it is what got me worried to begin with.

But the most important thing I have learned is that IT STARTS WITH ME!! And it is not easy because like I said in the post- I am not willing to ask something of my child that I am not willing to do myself. I have to be the example. 

Today my son begged but I mean begged and pleaded with me to watch a TV show after dinner.  I have to admit that I considered it completely knowing the difficulty he would have around bedtime getting to sleep.

 But I had to ask myself- what is my motive here for having him watch TV? Was it because I would really love to finish this blog post that I started several days ago and finish some photos I need to edit on the computer...or because I really feel like it would be a great and healthy activity for him to engage in before bedtime. 

I knew I wanted to get my stuff done...

So, I said no.

He cried.

Then, I forced myself to be present and we painted a birdhouse and made bird nests together- thanks to our BabbaCo box! I loved the time and moment we had together and I won't ever forget it- way better than any task that had to get done. But I have to admit- the itch to get stuff done first is always there and it takes effort to ignore and wait for a better time to do it. 

He is now asleep as I finish this post and I am happy that I can go to bed with a full heart of the memories we made today. Plus we learned all about birds- how fun is that? What if I had said yes to TV? What memory would have I missed out on?

I am not saying get rid of technology all together- although there are moments that I wish we could go back to the simple times of life...but I think it is just something to be aware of. There are a lot of studies out there proving some serious effects particularly in young children and it is good to be informed.

So, if this is something you are interested in finding more about- you can go to www.mediatalk101.org  where they have a great amount of interesting info about statistics and effects on children  you can read right here. Check out this video of statistics:

Then, I think I have mentioned this before- but you have to see this documentary if you can with your family...this is what motivated my media detox and it was amazing to find out all the research and books written on the subject!

With that being said,  I think I am ready to move on to a new challenge which I will share with you in my next post.



besitos, xo

The ipad: a parent's best friend... but am I feeding my child's addiction?

Ahhh the beloved ipad. 

I have such a love-hate relationship with this lovely device. On one hand it has saved me from insanity as I desperately have handed it over to my toddler to avoid meltdown.  But on the other I have began to notice something... The more I was handing it over to keep him entertained- the more I noticed he needed it. He craved it. It was all he could think about. His friends would come over to play and he would ask, "Mom can we play with the ipad?" At first it was cute to see three little boys huddled around an ipad taking turns in playing their favorite games...but when the ipad became more exciting then the great big sandbox we have in our backyard...I began to doubt. I began purposefully leaving it on so the battery would drain..."oh shoot- no more battery." Somehow they always could accept that answer.

It wasn't until one day that I had a deadline that needed to accomplish... and I grabbed  old trusty and found out it was dead...blast- not when I need it! Well, maybe I could have him work on a  puzzle or read a book while I finished up. 

Me: "Hey buddy- mommy has to finish up a project real quick- would you like to read a book or do a puzzle by yourself for a moment."

Him: blank stare.

Me: "Um, wow this book looks fun and it even has buttons you can press to listen to the noises."

Him: blank stare and puzzled expression. "I want you to read it to me."

Me: "Have you ever looked at a book by yourself before?"

Him: shook his head. "No."

At that moment, I realized oh my... my child has never looked through a book by himself before! I have always been there with him. I have never given him the opportunity to entertain himself because I am either doing it or relying on electronics or disney jr. to do it for him.

Something had to change...and I realized then that it had to start with me. 

So... I was brave... I unplugged. 

Our family detoxed for a week without any TV or electronic gaming device. Oh the tears and sadness that occurred when I informed Little Man about missing his favorite tv program despite the fact that I had been talking about it days prior. But a few days later and spending the days outside at the park in the warm weather, going to the zoo and painting, I noticed something... he stopped asking. He was so cheerful... he was creating stories in his head and even entertaining himself without me intervening. I could not believe it. I noticed less meltdowns and irritability. He literally transformed over night. Was it the decrease in screen time or was it that we had even more opportunities to be connected?

I have loved it so much that the TV is still "out of order."

I know there are a few studies like this one on the effects occurring in toddlers and children who spend several hours a day on the ipad. The children are showing signs of addiction and increased behavioral problems... which I think I began to see in my child.

I am not saying ipads and technology are bad. It has provided so much learning and knowledge just at our fingertips...but could there also be problems that we won't know until later. Will this generation of kids be called "the Ipad generation" and have funny little quarks that we didn't realize was correlated to an early introduction to screens. 

As a person who believes strongly that play is so important and a child's way of expressing and learning- I worry. I love to see healthy creative play... but creativity and imagination have to be worked out like a muscle- will those muscles weaken? Will children stop wanting to go outside... interact with one another... pretend?

I don't know yet...but what I do know is that if we use these devices constantly to calm our children or entertain them- they will never learn how to soothe and entertain themselves. 

How did our parents do it? 

I think we will be seeing more studies being done as we understand more the effects of our children's development. For now- I have set some guidelines and boundaries while he is little to make sure those creative and imagination muscles aren't weakened. I will let you know what I have decided to do soon. I am still refining. 

Here is another ABC news article done titled: Toddler obsessed with ipads: Could it hurt their development? 

What are your thoughts? What are your limits with ipads and electronic games?

xo

Non-negotiables. Period.

{Art Journal Page: "My inner Mother" My favorite was the little notes in the lunch box!}

I have been trying to sit down and write all week long... but the energy seems to be drained out of my body and my mind these past few days and my bed seems to win over writing. But that still leaves my thoughts to dance around my head as I look upon the end of this month- I ask myself: Did I accomplish this month's goal of setting my priorities? Did I constantly put them first? What are my non-negotiables-  you know the things that are not up for negotiation? 

Isn't it amazing that when we are going through a trial in our life like a loss or a setback (example here) that it seems like the decision and capability to put those priorities first is much more simple. It seems as if the world stops and nothing else matters but those things you cherish the most. During times like these, it's so crystal clear. 

But, soon with time, the mundane obligations and daily responsibilities creep back into life and that clarity becomes a foggy mess. At least it feels that way to me. 

For me, it seems like there are some non-negotiables that pull me out of the fog and I always go back to. 

Some include:

1. Make time for God in my life. Start every day with prayer and spiritual message- include the kids.

2. Make sure my children, husband, and family remain first before any other job. As Dr. Laura would say, "I am my kid's mom." Also, Monday nights are dedicated to family night. Period.

3. Be the kind of Mother that I envision. Take the time to teach, cuddle, laugh, and play each and every day- even if the house chores take a back seat.

4. Serve and love others unconditionally. Leave time in the day to be able to serve... and teach my kids how to do the same.

I am sure there are more out there that I missed or need more work. Like weekly "date nights"- It seems like they should happen more often then they do- but it baby steps.

 What are some of your "NON-NEGOTIABLES?"

besitos,

xo

January 2013 Monthly Challenge: Prioritize

 I have been meaning to put up my January Challenge this month... like all month. But it seems like one thing after another pops up and I don't have a moment to express what I want to express about it. Ha- which is so fitting because this topic is exactly what I need to get myself focused on what really are the ESSENTIALS (See post here) in my life and unfortunately, this blog doesn't make it to the top of the priority list most of the time. :) Which may be a good thing- I think I could blog about stuff all day.

But what a great reminder to continue putting aside the daily things in life for the things that are the most important to me.

This month's challenge is to:

pri·or·i·tize  

/prīˈôrəˌtīz/

Verb Designate or treat (something) as more important than other things Determine the order for dealing with (a series of items or tasks) according to their relative importance

 I loved what President Uchtdorf said in his talk: "Of Regrets and Resolutions":

"My wife, Harriet, and I love riding our bicycles. It is wonderful to get out and enjoy the beauties of nature. We have certain routes we like to bike, but we don’t pay too much attention to how far we go or how fast we travel in comparison with other riders.

However, occasionally I think we should be a bit more competitive. I even think we could get a better time or ride at a higher speed if only we pushed ourselves a little more. And then sometimes I even make the big mistake of mentioning this idea to my wonderful wife.

Her typical reaction to my suggestions of this nature is always very kind, very clear, and very direct. She smiles and says, “Dieter, it’s not a race; it’s a journey. Enjoy the moment.”

Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.

How right she is!"

Sigh...this month my priorities come first- everything else second. And for me, being a mother and wife to my little family is on the very top of the list- wouldn't have it any other way.

besitos, xo

"Anxiously Engaged in a Good Cause"

I feel like I have neglected talking much about my challenge this month. 

Probably because I am striving to live it- there is not a lot of extra time! 

But I assure you I have been busy serving and doing what I can to get involved. 

THANK YOU to all of you who downloaded Bianca Merkley's Song and donated to the great cause.

If you still want to help- you can- we will make sure the money is put towards helping someone in need this Christmas.  

I did a How Does She post here on what we were doing for Hurricane Sandy- here are some of the images from Joshua Brown's video. 

What's my next project?

 Well, I have been busy these days planning and gathering things to take to two different orphanages in Thailand. I'll share more later next year.

 But for now I have to tell you that I have been inspired and corresponding with a woman named Allyson who has a family blog: http://www.carefreetimelessness.blogspot.com/ where she writes about her adventures traveling around different parts of the world, including Thailand, and serving for extended periods of time with her husband and FIVE kids! I loved going through her blog and reading about the experiences- it reminded me of visiting orphanages in Latin America with my family as a kid.

 If you get some time- go ahead and flip through some of her stories and images on what she has done... such a neat experience. How lucky are those kids to grow up with that experience?

In one of her first posts she writes about what she wants her children to learn. She writes:

I have been thinking a lot about what I want my kids to come away with from our home.  What ideas out of everything I teach them do I want to stand out?  Things that when they see, or feel or come across will be very familiar to them and the feelings in our home.  This is what I came up with.

To be anxiously engaged in a good cause.
To render simple acts of service
To be thoughtful and kind to the one- to love individually
To find the joy in all things
To be courageous in standing for truth and right

Isn't that awesome? I just may use some of this in our family mission statement!

Then she ends with this: 

So, with our whole theme of being deliberate, I am going to engage them in a good cause tonight.  We are going to rake leaves at an elderly lady's home that we have done the last couple of years-she has such a beautiful piece of property with an apple orchard as far as the eye can see.  So one experience after another it will help them see that that is what we do.  We help those in need.  And then when they are older and away from home they will naturally look for moments to serve...and their hearts will yearn for it because it will be a part of them.  I like how simple it is.  All it requires is an idea, some rakes, sweatshirts, and hot chocolate at the end.  Whalah! 

That is what this month's challenge is all about.

LIVING FOR OTHERS. 

May your holiday season be bright and shared with others you love.

xo,

December challenge: Live for Others.

I have loved November's challenge so much that I have had a hard time letting it go. But it's time for my December challenge...

Let me give you background on this photo- although it is not my favorite photo of me- (are my sideburns seriously that noticable?) it is a memory.

Meet my friend Carlos. 

I met him while I was on this vacation last Thanksgiving in Cabo. 

I had set a goal for myself to find someone I could serve while I was in Mexico- but honestly didn't have a clue on who or how.  

So, I prayed. 

I prayed that my heart would be touched in some way and I would find a way to serve someone while I was there- even if by small and simple things.

So, I began to take notice in everyone around me- hoping that I could find a way to serve. And one day while I was playing on the beach-I saw this man standing patiently smiling at everyone walking by with the harsh sun beaming down on his wrinkled skin. Something about him radiated. So, I approached him and started conversation.  He told me of his family, his life, and his humble home.  I had that feeling in my heart- the one I was looking for. 

Later on that week-  I asked him what a day's worth of sales were- he told me. I told him I wanted to give him the day off to be with his family and purchased enough of his silver jewelry to do that. We kept in touch during our stay and on the last day as we  were cleaning out the fridge I had a prompting to set aside all the food (including a ton of fish the guys caught while fishing) and water we would be throwing out and bringing it down for him to take home to his family. I wish you could have seen his expression. One of gratitude. Carlos touched my life and taught me so much more than he will ever know. While he spent 8 to 10 hours walking up and down the beach- we got to enjoy a lazy day of beach time. Yet, he was so kind, so happy, and so patient with his work... with his life. I won't ever forget him. 

And I really won't. 

He gave me a gift. A necklace he hand picked for me.

 Every time I look down at it- I am reminded to step out of myself for a moment and remember all those who are in need of a small and simple thing. 

As we celebrate and remember the birth of Christ- I am reminded of all the simple kind deeds He did for those around him...for us today. He truly lives for others... and I think we can find a way to do so as well...even on vacation...even when it's not December.

This challenge was inspired after I had recently heard of a family adopting "Live for Others" as their family motto. Every week they would go around the room and ask each other how they had lived for others that week.

It got me thinking. 

Thinking back to this post I posted last November about charity being a condition of the heart and we can go in and out of phases of how much we are willing to serve. 

I want to strive to seek out opportunities- whether great or small and be at #5. 

#1 I WONT SERVE:	#2 I HAVE TO SERVE:	#3 I WILL SERVE:	#4 I WANT TO SERVE:	#5 MAY I  SERVE?
Doesn’t want to serve.	Does it but complains.	Serves out of duty not joy.	Willing to give the time required when asked.	Seeks out ways to serve others

This is going to be a great month. I can feel it. I love this time of the year.

Your specific challenge is to: 

Take notice of those around you... and seek out at least one person to a small and simple thing for.

More to come.

xo

November 2012's Challenge: Give Thanks Daily

This month I have been working on teaching Little Man what gratitude means. Every night after we say our prayers we go around the room and say what we are grateful for. Every night he looks up at me and says, "I am grateful for you mom." It melts my heart. 

 I promise I don't do that every night just to hear him say that- although I love it when he does. :)

I am not totally sure if he gets the concept of gratitude but I know he is well on his way and I am planting the seed by doing it daily. The best way to teach our children about gratitude is to have a heart of gratitude ourselves.

So, your challenge is to:

Last month I asked you to take the time and be still on a daily basis. This month, you will set your alarm on your phone just like last month, and when it goes off- stop whatever you are doing and for 30 seconds or so list in your mind (or on paper) all the things you are grateful for right there and then at that moment. 

It will fill your heart with love and charity as we get into the holiday season.

I will be sharing a million ideas I have thought of on how to teach your children about gratitude and I would love to hear your ideas as well!

But for now- go make that list!

besitos

xo

One week later...

Remember that tree I showed you in this post?

Well, when Little Man and I went back ONE WEEK LATER...this is what we saw.

I mean seriously...how could 7 days make such a drastic change?

WOW how grateful I am for taking the time to spend that afternoon being still and taking the time to notice all around me. 

I mean who would have thought just ONE WEEK LATER the yellow leaves would have been gone?

Speaking of time, can you believe this month is almost over? How did this month's challenge go? 

Was it difficult? 

How did taking a few minutes each day to be still change the rest of the day or your perspective?

CONFESSION:

I admit there were easier days than others. Some day I could only acknowledge the need to be present and would quickly turn my alarm off as if it never happened. Some days I would close my eyes and take the full two minutes if not more to be still... sometimes almost falling asleep. ;)

It is amazing how resistant we are as human beings. At times, I would find myself in the middle of a hurry and the soothing sounds of the bells on my phone would go off and I would roll my eyes and think, "Great- last thing I need right now is to take the time to spend two minutes and just be still!"

BUT

If you didn't dare do the challenge or found it impossible to do it everyday...don't beat yourself up. The monthly challenges are not for 100% changes... they are about celebrating the percentages. If you were only able to do it 2% of the time... Props to you!!  That is change.

If you don't know what the heck I am talking about and/or haven't tried the challenge this month...STOP RIGHT there and take 30 seconds and just close your eyes and breathe.

There. You did it.

Oh it's 3:03pm...my alarm is going off...Little Man is asleep still and I think I just may close my eyes and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Besitos, 

xo

Stopping to Smell the Roses...Literally

The sun is waking up and I hold a warm bowl of oatmeal in between my hands. I love the way it feels. Little Man is sleeping in which gives me extra time to reflect and think about my challenge this month.

I feel like it's been a busy week -but who doesn't have busy weeks? There were several times I was consumed with the business of my day when the little bells on my phone came on to tell me to take a few minutes and become present. (October's Challenge)

How often do we get stuck in the daily tasks of our "to dos" to really enjoy each moment to the fullest?

The other day Little Man and I were at our weekly library stop... he loves to take his SWEET time to and from the car. I am usually on a mission to get home and get dinner ready and practically drag him to the car.

Not this time.

This time I pushed aside that need to rush on to the the next thing and entered his world and explored with him for a moment. Stomping and crunching through piles of leaves, I followed and observed.

I stopped and noticed the things he was interested in.

We took time to smell the roses. Literally.

Then he ran to a patch of grass and just laid there curiously observing the things in the sky. Feeling quite hungry, I resisted the need to get back home... I went over to him and laid beside him. The sky was bright. We watched an airplane in the sky.

And then I saw this.

Right in front of me was this beautiful tree...the very same one we pass every time I rush to the car. But from down there- it just really struck me. In a few weeks this tree will be bare. I would have missed it's beauty because I was too busy focusing on the next thing to really observe what is in front of me all along.

Reminder: take in the beauties of fall...soon they will be gone.

It was a good day.
besitos,
xo 

What's the hurry?

I had another great reminder in Sister Tanner's Positive Parenting Class the other week that reminded me about being still. Which for me mean to stop being in such a hurry.

A quote by best selling author and journalist Anna Quindlen:

“...But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And  I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
― Anna Quindlen

Yesterday little man fell asleep in my arms and instead of getting on with my day- I stopped. I just sat there. I studied his little face and felt his little hands in mine. I thought of this quote and it reminded me to treasure this moment...one day he will be grown up and it will be just a far memory. But I am so glad to say I have at least the memory.

Don't live life WISHING you could go back in time because you failed to let those moments pass you by.

Besitos,

October's Challenge: Be Still.

 Bright color leaves begin to float about in the wind. The air is beginning to take on a different crisp smell and feel to my cheeks. I love to grasp onto a a mug of hot apple cider and just feel my hands warm up.
It's October.

The signal that the end of the year is near and anticipation for the holidays here.

Although October is one of my favorite months, my heart aches with very mixed emotions about this month.

 For this reason, I have decided that this month's challenge is to:

October.

  It's a reminder. 

A reminder that I should be holding my brand new baby in my arms.

 I knew that the heartache and empty feeling would be strong this month as it reminds me of my miscarriage.

Boy was I right.

My heart does ache.

More than I could have imagined.

Floodgates open as tears flow in the most random times. I could be driving in the car and a particular song sends me into the ugly cry. It's almost as the more I try to set it aside the more it comes to the surface.

It's been a tough 6 months.

I long to be STILL and just listen to my inner voice.

 I long to be STILL and just observe.

I am allowing myself the time to be STILL...to hopefully continue to heal.

OCTOBER CHALLENGE:
I want you to start this challenge by thinking of a  number 1 to 12. Okay got it? Now think of a number between 1 and 59. Got it?

That is your time this week. For example, the number that came to my mind was 3 and then the next number was 2 so my time is 3:02pm. Now set your alarm on your phone for that time of the day- obviously adjust it to AM or PM during a time you are going to be awake.

This is a random time of the day where no matter what you are in the middle of you will take a two minute time out and just be STILL.

If you are in the middle of something with others- just simply excuse yourself and find a place you can close your eyes and observe the sounds, smells, and sense of touch you feel in those two minutes. That is all. No judgment...just observations.

  At first, those two minutes may seem like an eternity, but in time it will become easier. I promise.

You ready to join me??
Besitos,
xo

Own your Mess

Do you have your washable paints and large piece of paper?


First, start off by choosing a color and squirting it on the page.

Mindfully dip your finger in the paint...notice how it feels under your fingers and your initial reaction to the paint.

 Then, begin smearing it across the page. 

Squirt another color wherever you like on the page.

Smear. Mix. Observe.

Now, if you feel ready for the good stuff ...place your entire hand on the page and squish it between your fingers and see what happens as you mix.

I had to put the camera down...but I then placed both hands in there and just played in the paint observing how I felt while I was doing it.

It seemed like the longer I was in my mess- the more relaxing it became for me.

There you have it.

Now for you advanced mess makers: PURPOSELY wipe your hands on your shirt... and then LEAVE it there for the rest of the day.

I dare you.

I went into work with this lovely on mine... and no I didn't explain to anyone...I just owned my mess.

Can you own yours?

Let me know how it goes!

besitos,
xo

Challenge: Make a Mess.

I have been wanting to do monthly challenges for myself to share with anyone who wants to join me for awhile now and I have decided that it's finally time to start...why wait- so, to follow up with this post of me as an anxious slightly OCD child who was afraid to make a mistake- I've decided this month's challenge is to:

 I am not that child anymore- in fact, I think I just may be more slightly on the opposite side of the spectrum of that child. I don't really consider it a good or bad thing to be the way I was... but I do know that I feel way more FREE.

 I attribute this shift to my field of study and going through a crazy three year graduate school program that really had me tapping into my personal patterns/issues and then making the conscious decision to let go of that little pleaser in me.

I also, attribute it to finding an outlet through photography and expressive arts that allows me to find my voice.

And lastly, I also attribute it to surrounding myself with people including the children and teenagers I work with who are so genuine and so real and for the most part not afraid of what other's think. 

It is a reminder to me that we all have inner children who need to come out and set us free from our so serious adult mess-avoiders.

So...

to get started- I want you to get your hands on this book and read it. You can read more about this book and my love for it here.

or

watch this video here:

Then I want you to grab some washable finger paint or regular washable paint and a large piece of paper and come back tomorrow to see what I am going to have you do with it...

I'm off to go do my challenge...post my photos tomorrow!

besitos, 

xo